John MacArthur Jr., of
I have made every effort to ensure that an
accurate transcription of the original tape was made. Please note that at times
sentence structure may appear to vary from accepted English conventions. This
is due primarily to the techniques involved in preaching and the obvious
choices I had to make in placing the correct punctuation in the article.
It is my intent and prayer that the Holy
Spirit will use this transcription to strengthen and encourage the true Church
of Jesus Christ.
Tony
Capoccia
God’s Pattern
for a Wife
by
John MacArthur Jr.
Copyright 1996
All Rights Reserved
It’s our privilege tonight to turn in the
Word of God to a great portion of Scripture as a starting point for our message
to you tonight, on God’s pattern for a wife. Ephesians, chapter 5, verses
22-24; and there the Word of God says, "Wives, be subject to your own
husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the
wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of
the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives
ought to be to their husbands in everything."
God designed marriage to be the very best
that life has to offer—the very best. In fact, Peter rightly called it the
grace of life. But since the fall of man it is anything
but the best for most people. In fact, for most, marriage starts in a euphoria
of emotion and love, and bliss—and gradually descends at varying rates into
war; characterized by bickering, bitterness, discontent, unforgiveness,
separation, and divorce; punctuated all along by moments of truce—a losing
struggle, and most today bail out. God’s original design was very clear: one
man, one woman, together for life. The best—the very best.
But since the "Fall" it has not been an easy
road for marriage.
We are reminded of Genesis 3:16, where God
cursed man and woman for the sin that they committed; and sin caused the curse,
and the curse hit marriage right at the heart. The woman, as a result of the
curse, seeks to rule and not submit; she wants control—that is the fallen
woman’s tendency. God commands again in the New Testament, "I permit not a
woman to usurp authority over the man." (1 Timothy
2) And the man, also cursed, is given to overpowering the woman, crushing her,
subduing her; and thus the conflict. Sin, therefore, left its mark, and part of
that mark is marital conflict from the very inside of the marriage.
You can add to that the terrible assault that
Satan makes on the outside. We are reminded that before we ever get out of the
Book of Genesis, marriage has been assaulted formidably from the outside. In
chapter 4 of Genesis [there] is polygamy; in chapter 9, pornography is born; in
chapter 16, adultery; in chapter 19, homosexuality; in chapter 34, fornication
and unequal marriages; in chapter 38, incest (in chapter 38, also the first
prostitute is mentioned); and in chapter 39, the first specific case of
seduction.
Conflict entered into the relationship
between a man and a woman on the inside, and on the outside. You can add to
those things, the fact that you have two sinners. Two sinners
in the flesh, the strong desires for their own wills and their own
ways—colliding. The only hope to reverse the inevitable disaster that
accrues to this kind of relationship is to follow the pattern that God has
revealed in Scripture. The only hope for marriage is to be obedient to God’s
Word, and to be empowered by God’s Spirit. Therefore, we can conclude that the
hope of a good marriage, the hope of a great marriage, the hope of a blessed
marriage, the hope of a happy and fulfilled marriage, is Salvation, which
brings one into a right relationship to God, which minimizes the curse, which
implants the Holy Spirit and brings the believer under the authority and the
willing obedience to Scripture; and then there is hope.
In the passage that I just read to you, there
are several obvious points that are made here but the overarching point is one
about submission. We draw that from verse 21, where the general responsibility
of all believers to one another is to submit. We submit mutually to each other,
being more concerned about the other then we are ourselves; more concerned
about the things of others than our own things; looking not on the things which
concern us but the things which concern others—all of that we learn from the
book of Philippians, chapter 2. We are to approach all of our relationships
with humility, with self-abnegation if you will, unselfishness, self-denial,
and a desire to meet the need of the other person.
So the general spirit of all relationships
should be one of submission, and then in particular, "wives, be subject to
your own husbands, as to the Lord." You will notice that the words
"be subject," or "submit" in some versions, is in italics
because it is not in the original. It’s not in the original: it doesn’t need to
be there. He has just said, "Be subject to one another," and then he
says, "wives to your own husbands," and
being subject is obviously implied. All of us submit at some point. Wives
submit to their husbands. She is to follow willingly the leadership, the
headship, of her husband. This and this alone can minimize the curse and
reverse the conflict.
We see then, first of all, the matter of
submission there in verse 22. The matter of submission [is] clearly introduced,
"be subject to your own husbands." Very specific, by the way, she is
not available to all men, she is not told to be submissive to all men, only her
own husband—the man she possesses, her own husband, the one that is hers. There
is in that very phrase a lovely sense of possession. He belongs to her, yet she
submits to him. There again is that magnificent mutuality. In the parallel
passage to the Ephesians passage, which is Colossians, chapter 3, you can
compare those 2 because they say the identical things. It says in Colossians
3:18, "Wives, be subject to your husbands." There you do have the
word "be subject," because it is not in the prior verse so it can’t
be implied. "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the
Lord." This is fitting, this is appropriate, this is proper, this is right
before the Lord. It is not a cultural preference; it is a spiritual command.
"Fitting," by the way, is a word that has significance. For example,
in the little letter to Philemon, in verse 8, it refers to something that is
legally binding. Thus, it is here indicative of a commandment from God. It is
also used that way in the Old Testament Septuagint or Greek version.
There is a limit, by the way, to what is
fitting in this role of submission. It does not mean that a woman submits to
her own husband in that which dishonors God. You remember, don’t you, in Acts,
how the apostle said, when commanded not to preach, "We must obey God and
not men;" if that comes to that, you have to choose to obey God. I think
of Vashti, in book of Esther, the first wife of the
king. The king came to her and asked her to dance a lewd dance before a drunken
crowd and she refused, and rightly so…rightly so. But in the created order and
in the proper design of God, it is legally binding by the commandment of the
Almighty Himself, that a wife be in submission to her
husband. It "is fitting," Paul says, "before the Lord." His
leadership is given by God and she is to recognize that and in a humble spirit
of loving submission, come under that leadership. Again I remind you that this
should be easy to do; it should be very appropriate—well understood, except for
the curse, except for our sinfulness, and except for the onslaught that Satan
has brought against marriage to confuse these issues.
In our last message, I took you through some
of the things that are going on in the feminist movement, that are satanic
endeavors to destroy marriage that have been around
for millennia—literally.
Now as we look at Ephesians, chapter 5, and
consider these instructions, "Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as
to the Lord," we find there are some supporting passages to these and we
want to look at them for a moment before we go on in the text. Turn to 1 Peter,
chapter 3. They further open this truth to us and help us to understand it. 1
Peter, chapter 3, says, "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your
own husbands." Again, you have the very same issue. What is quite
interesting is that little phrase, "in the same way."
Go to [chapter 2,] verse 13. "Submit
yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as
the one in authority, or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of
evildoers and the praise of those who do right." In other words, all of us
submit to the authority of government. Verse 18, "Servants, submit to your
masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and gentle, but also
to those who are unreasonable." Now, keep this in mind, we all submit to
the government, to the king, to the authorities, to the governors. Verse 15, "this is the will of God." We are to
"fear God, and honor the king," verse 17 says. [It] doesn’t tell us
what form of government, what kind of government, what the
moral standards of that government happen to be; it says we are to
submit.
Then in verse 18 [you have] the same kind of
submission to your employer, whether he is good and gentle, or absolutely
unreasonable. "This finds favor with God if for the sake of conscience
toward God, a man bears up under sorrows when
suffering unjustly." [verse 19] [That’s] one of
the reasons I don’t believe in a strike. No matter how difficult your employer
might be—you bear up; that finds favor with God. When you suffer unjustly you
are increasing your eternal reward.
And then the most marvelous illustration of
suffering unjustly—sometimes under the oppression of a government, sometimes
under the oppression of an employer or a slave owner in ancient times—but the
greatest illustration is the Lord Jesus Himself: verse 21, "Christ also
suffered for us, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps."
He shows us how to suffer unjustly; He shows us how to bear the burdening yoke
of unfair leadership. He suffered, "committed no sin," verse 22,
"nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled, He didn’t
revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting
Himself to Him who judges righteously; and in the process He Himself bore our
sins in His body on the cross, that we might die to sin and live to
righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed." In other words, Christ
suffered undeserved punishment, He suffered it without
retaliation, without reviling back. He uttered no threats. He just turned
Himself over to God, took His suffering, and in the end it had a profoundly
significant result—it redeemed souls out of the human race.
Then you come to chapter 3, verse 1. Remember
there are no chapter breaks in the original text. "In the same way, you
wives." What do you mean "the same way?" As
someone under the authority of government; as an employee under the authority
of an employer. Whether the government is good, bad,
or indifferent, whether the employer is good and gentle or abusive and
unreasonable. In the same manner that Jesus suffered unjustly and did
nothing but commit Himself to God—for God to bring out of that unjust suffering
a glorious end—"you wives, be submissive to your own husbands." The
implication here is that it really doesn’t matter what kind of husband he is.
You say, "Well, I have a husband who is disobedient to the things of God,
who is indifferent to Jesus Christ, who is abusive, who is not kind and loving,
is not good and gentle." "All the more reason," Peter says;
"In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands, so that
even if any of them are disobedient to the Word, they may be won without a word
by the behavior of their wives."
Line up under them—all the more reason if
they are not saved, if they do not obey the Word of God. Some are unsaved
(implied there, but it could also imply a person who had made a profession of
faith in Christ and was not obedient to the Scripture). All the more reason to
be submissive, and again I remind you, "as is fitting;" and
"fitting" has its limits. You are not to be submissive if he commands
you to do directly that which opposes the Word of God or commands you not to do
that which the Word of God does command you to do. But apart from those things
from which you are under the command of God, you must submit to your husband,
"hupotasso" (Greek); again line up under
him.
The key, in verses 2 and 3, "as they
observe your chaste and respectful behavior"—that’s what you want them to
see. You want them to see your virtue, your purity. And then in verse 3,
"And let not your adornment be merely external," only external,
"braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but
let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a
gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God." You have
a husband who is a trial to you, either because he’s unsaved or he’s a
disobedient believer. He fails to fulfill all of your hopes and expectations
for what you would want as a husband; he comes short of what you hope for and
maybe what you thought he was. You are gravely disappointed. You chafe under
his authoritarianism. He cares little for how you feel, it seems. All the more
reason to be submissive, all the more reason to demonstrate to him a meekness, a purity, and a respectful kind of behavior.
All the more reason not only to adorn the
outside—and please do that, we all appreciate it, but do more than that—more
than putting on a pretty dress or wearing gold jewelry or doing your hair,
adorn your heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which is precious in the sight of God, and, I might say, every man’s dream. It
doesn’t mean you have to kill your personality; it doesn’t mean you have to
become a robot; it doesn’t mean you have to become boring; it doesn’t mean you
never give your opinion, but there needs to be deep down in your heart,
gentleness, [and] quietness. That hidden part is precious in the sight of God.
God prefers a woman like that.
Like 1 Timothy 2 says, "silent, learning in subjection." This is of great
price. Verse 5, "For in this way, in former times, the
holy women also who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, being submissive to
their own husbands." This has always been the standard, folks. This
isn’t new. This isn’t some Pauline, Petrine bias or
chauvinism. This isn’t something they just came up with; it has always been
this way. God has always desired that women have a meek and quiet spirit. God
has always desired that they adorn the hidden person of the heart with those
imperishable qualities. He has always desired that they are submissive to their
own husbands. Again, that same phrase, "their own
husbands"—not to all men. Women, collectively, are not under the
control of all men. A wife is under the control of her husband. That’s why I
think it is a very serious situation when a woman goes to work and comes under
the necessary control of other men. Very confusing. Very difficult for her.
Verse 6 gives us an illustration, "Thus,
Sarah obeyed Abraham." May I suggest to you here that the concept of
submission comes, eventually, to the point of obeying.
She called him "lord,"—there’s a thought! "Yes, my
lord!"—no, something is wrong with that. It just doesn’t sound modern,
does it? She called him "lord," she obeyed him, and "you have
become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any
fear." And that’s…you know, that’s what comes up. You know, when you do
counseling, inevitably, when you are talking to a woman about how she should
respond to the leadership of her husband, whatever kind of leadership it is,
she says, "Well, you don’t understand. It’s very difficult and sometimes
I’m afraid of where he’s going to lead me. I’m afraid of where he’s going to
take me." And that is precisely why this verse says, "Just obey, call
him lord, do what is right, and don’t be frightened by any fear," because
you have put yourself in the place of the blessing and protection of God.
As Abraham was the father of the faithful,
Sarah is the mother of the submissive. She’s the prototype. Abraham is the
prototype of faith; she’s the prototype of submission. No terror; the word is
literally, "terror," at the end of verse 6—great peace, great security.
It’s a tremendous passage…tremendous passage, and it cannot be argued against.
It is too clear and too direct.
1 Corinthians, chapter 11, is another passage
that demands our attention as we think about what it means to be submissive. In
1 Corinthians, chapter 11, verse 3 and following, [there] is a fascinating
portion of Scripture dealing with the woman. Let’s start with a brief reminder
that in
Apparently, in Corinthian society, a veil was
the symbol of submission, the symbol of modesty, the symbol of meekness. In the
past I’ve done some reading in the history of that period of time and I found
out that there were, basically, two kinds of women who didn’t wear a veil:
feminists (those protesting the role of women) and harlots (those prostituting
the role of women). So protesters and prostitutes threw off their veils. That’s
the background.
Verse 3, "I want you to understand that
Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is
the head of Christ." And Paul’s just saying this to show you that there is
an authority in submission principle built in all the way from God on down.
This isn’t something cultural, it isn’t something just recently invented. There
has always been, in God’s plan and God’s economy, a place for submission and
authority.
Along that line, verse 4, "Every man who
has something on his head while praying or prophesying, disgraces his head. But
every woman who has her head uncovered while praying or prophesying,
disgraces her head; for she is one and the same with her whose head is
shaved." Now we’re getting a little more deeply into what was going on.
The protesters in Paul’s time were shaving their heads in protest against the
feminine role.
Verse 6, "If a woman does not cover her
head, let her also have her hair cut off; but if it is disgraceful for a woman
to have her hair cut off or her hair shaved, let her cover her head." In
other words, there’s no happy medium. If you take the thing off, you might as
well go the whole way and shave your head, because you have done as much as
protest the purposes of God. God accepts the fact that that culture had certain
ways to identify women. They were covered and they had long hair. That was the
sign of their femininity. When they wanted to protest that, they threw off the
veil and shaved the head. He says, "If you’re going to throw off your
covering, you might as well then go ahead and shave your head and join the
prostitutes and the protesters." So, he says to the Christian women,
"You can’t do that."
Your culture has an understanding of the
distinction between men and women. That is a divine distinction. Though the
particular custom is not ordained by God, the distinction is. And in whatever
way your society maintains that distinction, you be sure you hold it up, lest
they conclude that you are fighting against that; and if you take off your
covering they will conclude that—you might as well shave your head and join the
march. Take off your shirt, and like the "bare-breasted pig stickers"
that we talked about last time, run through town stabbing pigs to prove your
"macho" femininity.
On the other hand, in verse 7, the man ought
not to have his head covered since he is the image and glory of God, but the
woman is the glory of man. The man is not to wear anything that marks
submission; he is not to wear that which identifies a woman. Back in
Deuteronomy it says, "A woman is not to wear anything that appertains to a
man or vice versa." The men were not to be covered. By the way, even the
Jews who covered their heads—still do when they pray—do so from a
misinterpretation of Exodus 33. [Do] you know why they do it? They say, "because Moses veiled his face." Well, that is a
completely different issue. He was veiling his face so that they wouldn’t see
the glory of God fading, as 2 Corinthians 3 tells us, but it had nothing to do
with what God wanted for men to do in their times of prayer. So, men are to be
uncovered since they are the image and glory of God.
He says that this particular cultural thing,
in a sense, does reflect something of God’s created purpose—that man is the
image and glory of God and the woman is the glory of man. She finds a reflected
glory. It’s as if he would say, "The man is the sun and the woman is the
moon who shines because of the brightness of the man shining on her." For
man, created order supports this, verse 8 and 9, "The man does not
originate from woman, but woman from man; for indeed man was not created for
the woman’s sake, but woman for the man’s sake." So the order of creation
has put man in the place of headship and leadership and woman in the place of
submission. She is to sustain the mark of that submission, which in that
culture was long hair and a veil. That makes sense,
that suits the created order, and you Christians should not violate that. If
you’re going to violate that just because you think you’re free in Christ, then
go ahead and shave your head and join the prostitutes and the protesters—you’ve
done as much in discrediting the distinctions that God has made.
Then, in verse 10, he adds another thought,
"Therefore, the woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head,
because of the angels." That’s most interesting. What it’s
saying is that the angels recognize the authority and submission principle. The
angels, no doubt, have been told by God about how He has designed man and woman
to live together. That would be a great curiosity to the angels, since among
the angels there is neither marrying or giving in marriage, and so it is
outside their realm of experience and comprehension. Consequently, they’re
extremely curious about the whole relationship. They understand authority and
submission. They understand the authority of God, and Christ, and the Holy
Spirit. They understand that there are even ranks of angels. There are
principalities and powers and rulers, and cherubim and seraphim. They would
understand all of that, but with regard to man and woman and how they relate,
they are very concerned to see God’s order manifest in the church. No doubt God
has expressed to the angels that the curse, in the fall, which threw marriage
into chaos, can be minimized through the power of the Holy Spirit, through
salvation, and you can look at the church and see, at least, a glimpse of what
my original intention for marriage was.
So, for the angels, maintain the symbol of
authority on your head, women. Maintain your femininity. Whatever the symbols
of your femininity are, maintain them. In that society and in most societies,
it’s long hair and a covering. Even the angels recognize that principle. The
purpose would be, of course, so that the angels, in seeing this wonderful work
in which God has brought about the mitigation of the curse and brought a man
and a woman together without the conflict and the war and the hostility, in
Christ and by the Spirit—this would cause the angels to give praise and glory
to God. So the glory of God, among the angels, is the issue.
Then, in verses 11 and 12, "However, in
the Lord," just to make sure you don’t misunderstand it, "neither is
woman independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as the woman
originates from the man, so also the man has his birth through the woman; and
all things originate from God." In other words, there is mutual
dependence. The man leads the woman, but the woman gives birth to the man.
Don’t think that this means, because there’s authority and submission, that
there is inequality spiritually, that there is inequality humanly, that there
is inequality personally. There is not. Beautiful interdependence! What is distinct are the roles, not the intelligence, not the
spiritual capability, not the mental capability, not the social capability, not
the wisdom—but the roles. So, Christian women must not think that their
equality in spiritual standing before God and their great freedom in Christ has obliterated God’s created and sustained and spiritually
beneficial design for them.
Another passage that we must draw to your attention, is in Titus, chapter 2. Now, I’ll only introduce
it tonight and then next week come back and look at it a little more closely.
But in Titus, chapter 2, there is some instruction, beginning in verse 3 and
running down through verse 5, that supports this
concept of submission. Listen very carefully to what I say now, it takes the
concept of submission to your husband, and extends it to the range of home
duties. It starts to unfold the duties. "Older women," it says in
verse 3, "are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips, not
enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good," and
obviously, they teach the young women, according to verse 4, "That they
may encourage the young women to love their husbands." That comes first.
Love, not purely in an emotional sense, as we talk about "falling in
love"—the bells and whistles—you know, but love in the sense of
self-sacrificing devotion to the privileged duty to which you have been called
under his leadership and protection. [Young women are] "to love their
husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind,
being subject to their own husbands," for a very important reason,
"that the Word of God may not be dishonored."
Now, in verses 3 to 5, you have a series of
short commands. Very brief, but with immense and far reaching
implications. And what is at stake? What is at stake is the Word of God
not being dishonored. Wherever you see this women’s liberation movement
assaulting the church, the first point of attack is the Word of God, isn’t it?
They assault the Scripture, they twist all these Scriptures, they shift them
around, they reinterpret them, they’ve got all of this
revisionist interpretation. And it goes from there to the worst, where they
even produce Bibles, where the name of God is She or
She/He—the politically correct Bible. But always, women, in the framework of
Christianity, who want to move out of their God-ordained role, must assault the
Word of God.
It’s not just that direct attack which is
being referred to here, but an indirect one, that comes by way of the fact that
when women don’t obey what the Word of God says, then those people watching
that and knowing that, will conclude that we don’t think the Bible is really
that important, right? So the Word of God is dishonored. The Word of God is
diminished as to it’s importance. We don’t want to do
that. Ladies, you want to follow these patterns for the sake of your own joy,
for the sake of the blessing of God, for the sake of making marriage the grace
of life that God intended it to be, and for the sake of showing the watching
world that we obey the Word of God because we believe God has given it. It is
binding and the source of blessing. A lot is at stake when women want their
independence. They wreck the marriage and they ruin their testimony,
diminishing the Word of God, which Psalm 138:2 says, "God has exalted to
His name."
Betty Fredan, way
back in 1963, one of the early leaders of the feminist movement, wrote a book.
She told women in this book, "Leave home and go to work." It was
adamant, and it was really kind of the bomb that popularized the feminist
movement. Twenty years later, no less than Betty Fredan
wrote another book. This was called "The Second Stage." In it she
said this, "Feminism has failed, and I urge you working woman to leave
work and go home." A twenty-year experiment failed, [and it’s] still
failing miserably. She started something with so much feminine machismo in it,
it’s almost unstoppable.
The number one symbol of woman’s rebellion
against God’s order is the independent working wife. Over 50% of all women are
in the work force—over 50 million working mothers, most of them with
school-aged or younger children, and, in fact, nearly half of the women with
children under six, work. Two out of three—because the
younger women lead the parade in these working trends—two out of three
children, three to five years old, spend part of their day in facilities
outside their home. Two out of three! Women have abandoned the home. They’re
fighting for their independence and the society has come behind them with
tremendous support.
I think of Hannah. It says in 1 Samuel 1:21,
"Her husband, Elkanah, went up with all his household to offer to the Lord the yearly sacrifice
and pay his vow." He was just going to the temple to carry out his annual
religious observance, and he asked Hannah to go. Hannah didn’t go. It was just
a trip up and back. "She said to her husband, "I will not go up until
the child is weaned," literally in the Hebrew, "until the child is
fully dealt with." She wouldn’t even go on a trip if it would in any way
hamper the attention she needed to give to that child.
The abandonment of the home, the abandonment
of the children, the isolation of the woman as the independent working woman,
of course, escalates the already cursed and hammered union we know as marriage.
Felice Schwartz (?), in Working Woman Magazine writes,
"By the year 2000, when the children of today’s current generation of
career woman are themselves emerging from their teens, the polarization of
sexes that put women in the house at the nurturing end of the spectrum, and men
in the office, at the work end of the spectrum, will have disappeared, and with
it all the stereotypes." And, of course, we know that the
Marriages are being abandoned, families are
being abandoned; the results are absolutely devastating. These people who advocate the working, independent, non-submissive
wife, call on her pride. They appeal to her self-esteem, her pride. They
appeal, if you will, to her sin, telling her to leave her slave-rule and gain
some dignity as a real person. They appeal to her lust for material things.
They appeal to her already strong desire to dominate. And sadly, sadly, sadly,
working, non-submissive wives and mothers contribute to lost children,
delinquency, lack of understanding of God-ordained roles, rebellion,
loneliness, adultery, divorce—you name it. They are not under submission to
their own husbands, they are not in the home, and the results are disastrous.
In the last decade, a man by the name of
Marvin Harris wrote an amazing book, really, called Why America Changed; Our
Cultural Crisis. He chronicles the impact of rebellious working women. He
says frankly, "They are at the very heart of the collapse of our
nation." Let me give you the flow of his thesis, [of this] very
interesting "secular" book. He says,
consumptive materialism takes women out of the house because they want more
things. They are also fed this line about pride and personal achievement and
accomplishment and self-esteem, which exacerbates the drive out of the house.
On the other hand, massive conglomerates,
corporations, pushed by the desire for bigger profits, keep the pressure on for
more and more women to get involved. They keep the pressure on to sell more
stuff. Most of us have so much "stuff" we can’t even use it, we don’t
even know where it came from or how we got it and we’re too guilty to dump it.
Couples want bigger houses, bigger cars, bigger boats, better clothes, more
clothes, and so we have this materialistic binge and we’re sold this through
the ad campaigns. So the corporations are growing, they’re selling more stuff,
we’re buying more stuff, so the need for more employees is there, more sales
people, more secretaries, more whatever. They want the stuff so the wife goes
to work to get the stuff. More possessions, more comforts. So feminism rises as
a justification for materialism, says Harris.
Then Harris says, the big money-makers create
jobs with their high production and jobs held by women are more economical—you
understand that, don’t you? Women make 58-60% of the average male salary. So
you decide who you want to hire if you’re trying to make maximum profits.
Quoting from Harris, "The dormant white housewife is the employer’s
sleeping beauty. She is educated," he says, "she speaks good English,
she is unaggressive, she takes orders from men, she’s
available, she’s cheap, and she’s not a threat." So she is far more
desirable that male minority members, particularly male minority members who
are aggressive, less-educated, speak poor English, and don’t take orders. So high minority male unemployment results from the hiring of white
women.
Crime rises, then, in the minority sectors of
society. It has to rise because the male people don’t have work. In inner
cities, adult male unemployment is as high as 75%. Crime rises with the
unemployed males who commit 90 some percent of all crimes. Crime rises with the
unemployment, most of it committed by these male minority members, somewhere
around 85%. "So woman," says Harris, "the working woman, is
tightening the vice that holds the ghetto in its jaws. She creates inflation,
because [as] she makes more earning power, prices go up. She creates more
traffic, more smog," and he goes on and on. Amazing, amazing thesis!
That’s just the social-economic fallout of the abandonment of the home.
When you foul up God’s order everything gets
messed up—everything. The real calling of woman is to be in the home, to be
submissive to her husband, to be following his lead, caring for her children,
caring for her home. In 1 Corinthians, chapter 7, I’ll show you just a couple
of other passages; then I want to give you some interesting illustrations. 1 Corinthians, chapter 7, verse 34. This is sort of an
off-handed comment here, but it’s just powerful, absolutely powerful. In 1
Corinthians 7, Paul talks about a lot of things which regard to marriage and
divorced people and virgins who never marry. But down toward the latter part of
the chapter, he is giving some advantages to being single. Listen folks, being
single can be a tremendous blessing. As I’ve told many young couples, "The
only thing worse than wishing you were married is wishing you weren’t." So
you want to be sure before you do that, that that really is God’s purpose for
you. If you can stay single, life is simpler. Verse 34, "The woman who is
unmarried" (that would be a divorced person in the context here),
"and the virgin" (that would be the person who’d never married),
"both of them are concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be
holy both in body and spirit." In other words, now that the divorced woman
is single, and the virgins never married, the only thing they really have to
concentrate on is that which is about the Lord, how to be holy in body and
spirit.
But look at the end of the verse, "But
one who is married is concerned about the things of the world." What
things? Particularly how she may, what? "Please her husband." That’s
what she lives for. It’s not supposed to be a place of conflict. It’s supposed to
be a place where the woman, willingly, falls submissively under the leadership
of her husband and seeks how she can please him. Now, some of
you women are just taking all this in and saying, "Hey, hey, what about
equal time?" That’ll come. You just keep coming on Sunday night.
Wait till we get to those guys. [If] you think you’re squirming, you haven’t
seen anything yet. 1 Timothy 2:15, "Women shall
be preserved," saved, delivered, any of those, "through the bearing
of children if they continue in faith and love and sanctity with
self-restraint." Credible verse.
Earlier in this passage, verse 9, "Women
are to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not
winding all their gold and pearls through their hair to show off their wealth,
and wearing costly garments," he’s talking here, by the way, about
worship. Chapter 3, verse 15, how they conduct themselves in the church. So
he’s saying, when you come to worship, you don’t get yourself all dolled up
like you were going to a wedding or something, but you’re going to adorn
yourself when you come to worship. You do so by means of good works, as is
fitting to women, making a claim to godliness.
And then it says, "Let a woman quietly
receive instruction with entire submissiveness." Well, there it is again. Now, the whole idea of the submissiveness of a woman. She comes, she hears the instruction with entire submissiveness.
Verse 12, "I don’t allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a
man, but to remain quiet." In the order of the church, women don’t teach,
women don’t preach. They sit and listen and learn. That’s not something new.
That’s because Adam was first created then Eve, and it was not Adam who was
deceived but the woman "being quite deceived fell into
transgression." Both because of (are you ready for this?) created order,
and because of vulnerability.
A woman is not in the place of authority. She
needs to be under the protection of her husband, lest she be deceived. That is
God’s design originally in creating Adam first, and Eve to be his helper. You
say, "Well, then woman is a second-class citizen." No. Verse 15, a
woman shall be preserved from, what? From some kind of stigma that she bears
because she was deceived; she led the whole race into sin. The conclusion is, she is as Peter said, "the weaker vessel." She
needs covering and protection; she led the race into sin when she abandoned
that covering and protection, stepped out from under her husband’s authority,
acted independently, led the whole race into sin.
When she did that she put a stigma upon
womankind. How can that stigma be removed? Here it is,
verse 15, "She is preserved from that stigma through the bearing of
children if those children continue in faith and love and sanctity, will,
self-restraint." Once a woman led the race into sin, the
stigma that woman bears can be reversed when a woman raises a godly generation
of children. That’s what he saying. That’s the marvelous balance. You
know, I mean, the men are the ones giving the orders, but the women are the
ones with all the influence. They’re the ones who press those little lives to
their own heart and nurse them in the early years. They’re the ones that are
there all the time, binding up their little wounds, and taking them through the
issues of life, day in and day out. Then we show up after work to pontificate
around the place--we develop the theology, but they have them in their hearts.
I always laugh when I see these great
athletes and I’ve never seen one say, "Hi, Dad." All they ever do is
say, "Hi, Mom." Great big huge monstrosities out there, beheading
each other, "Hi, Mom." In fact, we always hear this when we talk to
coaches and they tell us, you don’t recruit athletes, you recruit their
mothers. If their mother likes you, you’re in. Woman reverses the stigma of
having led the race into sin when she raises godly children. That is the
marvelous, marvelous calling of a woman. The domain of her home: she’s a keeper
at home, a worker at home, a lover of children, a lover of husband—submissive.
I can’t resist further defining the
magnificence of this role in Proverbs 31. Turn back to Proverbs 31. I’m just
going to refer to it briefly, and then close with a couple of illustrations
that are pretty powerful. Chapter 31 talks about an excellent wife, and this is a great, great description of an excellent
wife, starting in verse ten of Proverbs 31. Guys, this is the kind of woman you
dream about. This is what every woman should desire to be. "An excellent
wife," verse ten, "who can find" (hard to find one), "for
her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her."
Find a woman, first of all, that you can, what? Trust. Trust her with everything, trust her with
relationships, trust her with your children, trust her with your money, trust
her with your possessions, trust her with your relationships—she won’t go
around undermining those.
"He’ll have no lack of gain, she does him good and not evil all the days of her
life." This is an amazing woman, "She looks for wool and flax, and
works with her hands in delight. She is like merchant ships; she brings her
food from afar," she’ll go anywhere for a bargain. Amazing woman, works with her hands, goes everywhere, with her
little coupon deal.
Verse 15, "She rises
also while it is still night, and gives food to her household." Slightly rare thought here. She wakes up her family
with the smell of bacon and eggs. I have so many memories of that as a kid. I
have so many memories of the mornings of my life, and awaking, not by an alarm,
but by what was coming out of the kitchen. "She gives food to her
household, and portions to her maidens."
This is a very enterprising woman. "She
finds a field that’s for sale and she buys it. She’s got earnings and she
plants a vineyard." Somehow she’s got a cottage deal going inside the home
and she’s been able to earn some money to help. "She girds herself with
strength, makes her arms strong," probably not because she went to the
gym, but because she worked. "She senses that her gain is good; her lamp
doesn’t go out at night," stays up late, gets up early.
Life was tough in those days. If you wanted
clothes, you did what? You made them. If you wanted food, you made it. If you
wanted some food to eat, you grew it. If you wanted to grow it, you had to have
a field. So when you married a woman to provide meals, that meant she had to
buy a field, plow a field, plant a field, harvest a field, make the food, while
you are off doing whatever, doing business in the city. "She stretches out
her hand to the distaff, her hands grasp the spindle." She’s weaving,
weaving coats. It can get cold in that part of the world in the winter.
"She extends her hand to the poor; she stretches out her hands to the
needy. She’s not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household
are clothed with scarlet." Not only do they have warm garments, but
they’re beautiful. "She makes coverings for herself; her clothing is fine
linen and purple."
And you know what, "her husband is known
in the gates." They know him as, "that’s so-and-so’s husband."
"Oh yea, I know that guy. That’s so-and-so’s husband." He’s known in
the gates, "when he sits among the elders in the land." They’re all a
little jealous. "She makes linen garment’s and sells them." There’s
how she makes a little money to buy that field. Supplies
belts to the tradesmen. "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and
she smiles at the future." Why? She plans ahead. "She opens her mouth
in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." Boy, what kind
of model is she for her children? "She looks well to the ways of her
household, doesn’t eat the bread of idleness. And her children rise up and
bless her; her husband also, and he praises her saying: "Many daughters
have done nobly, but you excel them all." You’re the best. You’re the
best. "Charm, it’s deceitful, beauty, it’s vain," doesn’t last, "but
a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give
her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates."
It all works around the home, doesn’t it?—and
the husband, and the children, and the needy; that’s where a woman needs to
give her life. Some women have been sold this whole feminist deal, you know,
they grabbed their briefcase, put on their suit, and went to the office, and
have done their thing. And now, all of a sudden, ten, fifteen, years later,
there’s a terrible hollowness in their hearts. Many of the same women who, in
their twenties pursued career, didn’t want children intruding in their life,
now find themselves in their thirties and forties with an emptiness and a
terrible dissatisfaction, a hollowness, a sense of unfulfillment
and the reality that they missed the whole purpose of life, and they can’t ever
get it back.
Despite their worldly successes, an
indefinable longing sets in and some of them begin to see motherhood as the
experience they want. They want to have a baby—you hear them say that all the
time. This attitude perceives motherhood as some kind of feminine achievement.
"I’ve had my career, I’ve made my money, and now I want to make my baby. I
want to show the world that I can do that. That’s my next achievement, my next
personal accomplishment. I’ve been a successful lawyer, and now I’m going to
show you that I can be a successful mother."
Children, however, are not a prize to win.
They are not a goal to achieve. They are not a way to proclaim someone’s
femininity. They are not a little doll to dress better than anyone else’s kids
are dressed. They’re not somebody to fill out your wounded ego and unfulfilled
life. One lady said, "I’ve got the house, I’ve the cars, we have the
vacation home, I’ve had the career, now all I need is a couple of kids." I
guess she thought that way, she could go down as a
monument to femininity. Women who look at having children as a means of
personal fulfillment are really mistaking the issue.
First, because if all they want is an
experience, and experience is very temporary, but that kid is going to be
around for a long time, making a lot of demands that have very little to do
with one’s personal fulfillment. Have you noticed?
Secondly, this manifestation of self-centerness undervalues the purpose and the significance of
motherhood, as God designs it, and usually sentences that little kid to a
tragic life. This is the sentimental romantic view of motherhood. This
sentimentalism is dangerous, because anytime our emotions are driving the car
we will end up in a ditch. Babies wake up in the night, babies get sick, they
make a mess, and sometimes babies die. I admit that the tender, sweet, and
emotional side of motherhood is precious, but only because hardheaded reason
and biblical discipline, with lots of hard work, is steering the process.
Christian women need to have their approach
to mothering anchored in the Scriptures, not in their emotion. You’re not going
to learn mothering anywhere but in the Bible. You’re not going to learn it from
a talk show host. You’re not going to learn it from a magazine article, at the
check stand in the market. You’re not going to learn motherhood from classes on
self-esteem. The healthy, godly view of mothering comes out of the Word of God.
It has to be learned there. We’re going to look at that in days to come.
Motherhood is not a romanticized ideal; it is
a God-given task, suited to a woman’s frame, accomplished joyfully by hard
work, through His grace and provision. Godly motherhood does not focus on the
pretty little child. It doesn’t focus on infancy and childhood. Let me tell
you, godly mothering focuses on adulthood, from the start. It focuses on a
long-term objective, which is mature, godly sons and daughters, who will live
to bring honor and glory to God. That is the calling of Scriptural, spiritual
motherhood. That’s what God wants. Those who don’t know Christ, they can’t even
approach it right. Those who do, must.
Two weeks ago, I received this letter, really
a heart-breaking letter. Listen to what it says, "I received your tape
series on the family, from my mother-in-law for Christmas. You were right. When
you started the tape on the duty and priorities of the wife, you were right
that it would upset a lot of people. I cried many tears listening to you. You hit
the nail on the head regarding the moral decay of families and children—working
mothers. The reason for the tears, I am a working mother. I have four children,
ages eleven, ten, three, and one and a half. I’ve worked all of their lives. I
feel that I have lost the connection with my 11-year-old daughter, and that
worries me as she approaches adolescence. My babies go through tremendous
"mommy-deprivation" daily. My ten-year-old acts out his frustration
on everyone. My oldest children go to a private Christian school, and that
requires a lot of time in the evenings with homework. I get home after being
gone nine to ten hours. I have to cook dinner, deal with the crying mischievous
babies, and try not to let the older ones feel left out, because I’m too tired
or there’s no time left in the evening to work on their needs.
I would love to stay home and be a keeper of
my house, but I have no alternative. My husband has chosen to ruin his career
and our lives by selfishly indulging in drugs and alcohol. After a four-year
roller coaster ride, we separated when I found out that he was taking the
babies to the park and drinking. I feared that he may get into an accident with
them or forget he has them with him. I have been put into the position of
bread-winner of this family and I deeply resent it. It is destroying my family.
I am losing out on the most important part of my life—raising my children. The
part of me that is raising them is not the part of me that I like. I am tired,
angry, and frustrated all of the time; what a wonderful role model, mom the
"hag."
When we separated, I told my boss, and he
told me to call my pastor right away. Being somewhat new to a church body, I
couldn’t figure out what my pastor could do. I told my pastor a few days later.
He said he was sorry and that he would pray for me. During the initial
separation I didn’t attend church for a month. I continued to read my Bible
daily and listen to tapes and radio ministry programs. During that month I
didn’t receive a single call from the church or my pastor. Incidentally, we
fill out a weekly attendance cards. Several friends are in ministry positions,
who know of our situation. When I did go back to church, no one asked how
things were. It was also at this time I asked my employer if I could work at
home to save daycare costs. He’s a Christian, and these costs were sending me
financially over the edge. The answer was no. I thought I was naive, thinking
that my church or my Christian employer, should or
could help in some way. When I listened to you and your thoughts on the
church’s obligation to women with children, I couldn’t stop crying, I felt so
let down by my pastor and church, as well as my Christian employer.
Well, I didn’t write this to complain, I just
wanted you to know how much I appreciate your messages and how you have really
touched me. You given me an incentive to pray more
fervently for God to change my situation so that I can do what I’m supposed to
do, be a keeper of my house and children. I also pray for my husband. Keep on
teaching the Word of God. It doesn’t matter if noses get bent out of shape, it
just makes us open our eyes and reexamine how we live our lives."
Sad, isn’t it? I mean, in some ways it’s all
over and there’s no going back. The matter of submission is so clear in
Scripture: to the husband, to the tasks of the home—that’s God’s call to women.
Well, that’s one verse, verse 22, and that’s not even all that verse. We talked
about the matter of submission. Next time we’re going to talk about the manner
of submission, the motive for submission, the model of submission, and the
magnitude of it.
Father, thank you for your
Word, which is so clear. Lord, you
have given us a plan and if we follow it, we’re blessed. I pray for this dear
lady. I pray for her, O God, that you might somehow get her in a position where
she can be with her family. Her husband, who claims to be a Christian, Lord—work in his life. Bring him to commitment. Bring them
back together. May he become the supply and the support and the leadership and
the strength and the joy of her heart. Lord, we know
that that must be the prayer of many, many women. We thank you for this church,
which is so eager to help those women who’ve lost
their husbands, and to underwrite and support them so they can stay at home and
care for their children. Lord, the ideal has been so devastated. Raise up a
generation of young people, Lord, those who are now contemplating marriage,
getting married, or just recently married—Lord, may they make the right
choices. May there be correction where correction can be made, forgiveness for
those who have failed this pattern, restoration, renewal, and Lord, may there
be a new beginning. For those, as we said, who are young and just starting,
Lord, may they walk in the path of obedience to your Word, that there might be
joy in the home, that you might be honored, your Word not dishonored, and a
generation of children raised to love you. Much more before us, Lord, continue
to lead us as we consider these great things. In Christ’s
name, Amen.
Transcribed and added to Bible Bulletin Board's "John MacArthur Collection" by:
Tony Capoccia
Bible Bulletin Board
Box 119
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