The following message was delivered at the 2003 Shepherds’
Conference, A ministry of Grace Community Church.
© 2003 All Rights Reserved. A CD, MP3, or tape cassette copy of
this session (#3114-1) can be obtained by going to www.shepherdsconference.org
or calling (818) 909-5530.
Fishbowl Living
by
Lois "B"
Mayhue
I wasn’t quite sure what to think when Carrie started out by telling us that we
were larger than we were last year. My name is B. Mayhue. The B for those of you
who see it and wonder what it stands for, it stands for Lois. My mom Grace is
down here in the front row. She is visiting from Ohio and she will verify when I
tell you that my real name is Lois. B is a family nickname. So all of you who
wonder where that comes from - it means “bitsy baby.” Isn’t that cute? It’s
really adorable when you get to be… So everybody calls me “B” or “Bits” or my
daddy, until the day he went to go be with the Lord, he called me Baby. Oh,
that’s so sweet.
My husband Dick is an elder here at Grace Community Church and is the dean and
executive senior vice president for the seminary. He’s also the provost at the
college. And when he doesn’t have something to do for those things he is usually
writing a book or playing with our grandsons. We have two now. Our daughter Lee,
who is our older child, and her husband Mike have an 11 year old, Ian, who is
just a delight if you ask his grandparents. And then our son Wade and his wife
Tracy now have a little guy named James Patrick who was born in December. So we
just have a great time at our house. Oh, we have one grand-dog. Yes, Zoey lives
at our house. She’s my grandson Ian’s dog but they can’t keep a dog where they
live so for almost 6 years she’s lived at grandma and grandpa’s house. Yeah, we
have a grand-dog.
When they asked me if I would come and speak again this year, you know, I always
am in two minds as to whether or not I want to say yes because, to tell you the
truth, when I have to get up in front of a group, you know, I start the little
hyper ventilating and my palms get a little clammy and I think, “Oh, I don’t
really want to do that.” But on the other hand, one of the things that we want
to do during this week is to spend our time encouraging those of you who have
come and just letting you know how important you are to us and how much we love
you and to do that I guess I have to just take a deep breath and say, “Welcome,”
and, “We’re so glad you’re with us.”
When they did ask me what I wanted to talk about this year, one of the things
that had been on my mind recently was the thought of living in a fish bowl, as
most of ministry families do. The title that I gave my message was “The Benefits
of Fishbowl Living” and we’re going to be taking our text out of Romans 14. So
those few who have your Bibles, you can open them to Romans 14. We’ll be
bouncing in and out to a couple of other places but primarily that’s where we’ll
be.
Early in our ministry, Dick came across a cartoon that visualized a truth that
we were coming to accept and actually to expect. The drawing depicted two women
walking through a residential neighborhood and in the middle of the row of
houses there was a huge fishbowl. And inside that fishbowl was a husband and a
wife and a family, sitting calmly enjoying the meal. And one of the women turned
to the other and said, “And this is where our pastor lives.” It is a fact that a
large majority of our churches and even the community that we’re in want to know
what goes on behind the door of the pastor’s home.
People want to see if the biblical principles that are taught from the pulpits
are lived out in the parsonages…People want to see if the biblical principles
that are taught from the pulpits are lived out in the parsonages. This close
scrutiny of how we eat and dress, how we cut our hair, how we play, how we work,
how we communicate with one another, can create a lot of stress. Even if it’s
done in a nice way it’s stressful, but when it’s accompanied by some disapproval
it really can get very stressful. Figuring out how to respond to our fishbowls
is of major importance to our walk with the Lord and it’s vital to our husband’s
ministries.
I think that the first step is accepting God’s providential placement of us in
the fishbowl. Octavius Winslow wrote, “You are just where His providence in it’s
inscrutable but all wise and righteous decision has placed you.” It seems rather
obvious to say but many times we simply fail to accept the fact that God’s
placed us in that fishbowl. That’s where He wants us. And all the world is there
to watch us swim around. So once we come to grips with the truth that its God’s
will that we’re in the fishbowl and we realize according to Romans 12:2 that
God’s will is perfect and acceptable and good, why would we want to be any place
else?
So once I reached that point I was ready to start looking for the advantages and
benefits of living in the fishbowl. This is a partial list that I made as I was
just jotting things down - this is from early on in the ministry: it helps me to
practice humility, it helps me to keep my conscience clear, it gives me
opportunities to teach my children as they watch me respond, it drives me to
prayer, it helps me to choose my words carefully, it keeps me dependent on God’s
Word and His Spirit, it keeps me aware that I am an example of Christ to the
world and it helps me to focus on the goal of glorifying God with my life. So in
short, summing all of that up, living in a fishbowl keeps me accountable for
everything that I do and everything that I say. And one day that finally clicked
- it’s a good thing. It’s a good thing. In light of the Bible’s clear teaching
of accountability before Christ, having others examining my life is actually a
great eternal benefit for me because it prepares me for the real judgment. If I
can stand in front of men’s eyes, how much more am I concerned about standing in
front of God?
Second Corinthians 5:10, “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of
Christ so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the
body, whether good or evil.” That’s 2 Corinthians 5:10. And in our chapter
Romans 14, starting in verse 10, at the end of verse 10, “For we will all stand
before the judgment seat of God. For it is written ‘As I live’ says the Lord,
‘every knee shall bow to Me and every tongue shall confess God,’ so that each of
us will give an account of himself to God.” Even in a house with transparent
walls, I can sometimes hide my sinful attitudes from human eyes, but I can never
hide my sin from God’s eyes. He clearly sees all of my actions and He sees the
motivations behind them, and at the judgment seat, all of that is going to be
revealed.
The phrase “judgment seat” that is used in both of those passages, 2 Corinthians
5:10 and Romans 14:10, is the Greek word bema, and the bema was not there as a
judicial bench but as a place for the referees to sit and watch the athletic
contests. The bema was the bench on which the judges sat as they watched the
participants in the race or the games, and they watched to see how the race was
won and then they rewarded those who did well. So this idea is also alluded to,
although the term isn’t used, in 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 where Paul describes the
strict training of athletes who compete to win a perishable wreath, but he says
Christians discipline themselves to win an imperishable wreath. The same idea is
in Philippians 3:12-15 in which Paul states that the mature believers will press
on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Then
he gives his own testimony in 2 Timothy 4:7-8, “I have fought the good fight, I
have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth, there is laid up for
me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award
to me on that Day.” At the bema, we’re not worrying about eternal salvation.
That was assured when we placed our faith in Jesus Christ. That beautiful
passage in Romans 8:38-39, where it talks about nothing separating us from the
love of God, is a great comfort and confidence builder for Christians.
Now then, as we approach the judgment seat we can go with joy, we can go with
confidence because He has accepted us and we belong to Him. But then on the
other side there is a little bit of a sobering thought because we each are going
to give an account for our personal lives and for our ministries. Alva J.
McClain, in his commentary on Romans, wrote, “We shall stand there and give an
account of ourselves, every deed done in the body will be exposed and an
explanation given to Him who loved us and gave Himself for us.” I’m not sure
that we’re going to have a lot of explanations for some of the choices we’ve
made, but nevertheless, we will be able to give an account.
So how does knowing these basic truths about the judgment - obviously we’re not
doing an in-depth study of the judgment seat - but knowing just these basic
truths about the judgment of believers, how does that impact our behavior and
our responses to the church and in our homes to the community in our fishbowls?
Now we’re going to take a quick look at Romans 14 and then we’re going to move
right on into the first few verses of chapter 15. And previously in Romans, Paul
has been teaching a lot of truth, and one of the truths he’s been teaching is
about the church of Jesus Christ - His body. And he makes it very clear we come
from all different backgrounds, cultures, tribes, nations, economic statuses;
every sort of personality and talent and giftedness is represented in the
church. And besides that, the church contains both mature and immature
believers. So no wonder God feels the need to instruct us in the fine art of
living together in peace.
Romans 14 begins with this admonition to those who are strong - verse 1, “As for
the one who is weak in faith, welcome him,” but not to quarrel over opinions.
Why do we welcome those who are immature in their faith or weak? Verse 3 gives
the answer, “For God has welcomed him.” If a weaker brother or sister is peering
into our fishbowl and critiquing our behavior, how are we to respond? Well,
unfortunately, our usual response is to either become defensive or to criticize
that person in return - maybe not a big criticism but still, you know, we might
have a little thought or two that isn’t quite what it should be. And what
happens is that we wind up despising, sometimes, the weaker person. We might not
say that’s what we’re doing but if we’re looking down on them or wondering why
they are reacting that way or why they can’t see the truth of our liberty in
Jesus Christ, then we are despising them.
Paul isn’t dealing here with sinful or immoral lifestyles. That’s not what he’s
talking about. He’s talking about basic choices of life. And he says, “Don’t
quibble over our right to behave in a certain way. Instead of arguing about our
differences or silently despising each other, we are to welcome each other. The
strong are to show consideration and love for the weaker person and the weak are
to respect the strong.” Now, the more mature Christian can’t make that immature
person respect them. I can’t just grab by the lapels or their hair and tell
them, you know, “this is not right, you’re supposed to be respecting me and my
choices and my liberty in Christ.” But what we do is we accept them and then we
encourage them in their behavior with a 1 Corinthians 13 type of love; that love
that is patient and kind and not resentful and hoping and enduring all things.
So Paul uses a few examples in this passage to drive home his point. He talks
about eating and drinking and observing one day as more holy than another. In
our society and our culture here its not so much a big deal what we do on Sunday
afternoons, you know, whether we choose to watch football or the kids go play
baseball or something, but in other cultures it is a big thing. Just like it is
not so big a thing that if in Europe maybe somebody takes a glass of wine, but
in America for a pastor and his family to do that, that’s not really acceptable
behavior. So, it’s just all of these different little things that go from
culture to culture, and if you’re dealing with immature Christians you have to
handle this the right way. But the thing that is made clear in this verse is
that whatever the Lord impresses upon you, each person has to keep his own
conscience before the Lord, his Master. Verse 4 says, “Who are you to pass
judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands
or falls.” God is the master of both the immature and the mature and it’s Him
that they must please. Verse 5 says, “Each one should be fully convinced in his
own mind.” So we have to be careful as more mature Christians to never encourage
a less mature Christian to violate their conscience. You know, to say, “Well,
what do you think,” you know, “going to a movie is going to make you lose your
salvation?” You know, if they feel very strongly that that’s an activity that
they shouldn’t engage in then we shouldn’t encourage them to do that. That’s a
major point here. Verse 6 then indicates that the motives of both the strong and
the weak are the same in this. They just have different views on how to honor
their masters. Verse 6, “The one who observes the day, observes it in the honor
of the Lord…the one who eats, eats in the honor of the Lord, since he gives
thanks to God; while the one who abstains, abstains in honor of the Lord, and
gives thanks to God.” So if our motives are the same, in both the weak and the
strong - we want to honor God - then we need to welcome one another and
encourage one another to God’s glory.
Verse 6 actually contains a little handy diagnostic tool for discerning how we
should behave in doubtful situations. This is actually a tool that I use for
myself but it’s also very good to teach your children. If the Bible doesn’t
directly address the circumstance and we’ve already made reference to several of
them, like going to the movies or cutting your hair or whatever, we can use this
two pronged approach to help us make the decision on how we should behave. “Can
I do this or enjoy this to God’s glory?” That idea is repeated three times in
this verse with the phrase “in the honor of the Lord.” And then the second is,
“Can I give thanks for this?” That’s repeated twice. So the two questions that
we can use to help us discern our behavior in certain situations is, “Can I do
this or enjoy this to God’s glory?” and, “Can I give thanks for it?” Everything,
everything that we do, every choice that we make is God related and Paul goes on
to prove this in verses 7-9. “For none of us lives to himself, and none of us
dies to himself. If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the
Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord’s. For to this
end Christ died and lived again, that He might be Lord both of the dead and the
living.”
Every day of our lives and the time and the manner of our deaths are in God’s
hands. It’s His choice. And they are for His glory. However He chooses for us to
live and how He chooses for us to die - its all for His glory. Our purpose in
life is not self-fulfillment or self-pleasure or even to do good works, but our
purpose is to glorify God both now and eternally. Romans 11:36, one of my
favorite verses, “For from him and through Him and to Him are all things, to Him
be the glory forever.” We who belong to Him have this special bond and purpose,
even though we have our differences, and that is to glorify God with our lives
and our deaths. Therefore, again, we’re not to harshly judge or criticize each
other and we’re actually not even supposed to consider the conduct of someone
else so much unless they are in sin. You know, then of course, we’re to go to
one another, but, again, we’re talking about life choices. We’re not talking
about sin. But instead of thinking about what the other person is doing or their
conduct we are to think about our own conduct and our own conscience.
In verse 10, Paul addresses the immature or the weak believer with this
question, “Why do you pass judgment on your brother?” And then he turns to the
more mature and asks, “Or why do you despise your brother? And he moves on down
through the passage that we’ve already read, “For we will all stand before the
judgment seat and each of us will give an account of himself to God.”
At the bema, God’s eyes are going to be on one person at a time. And when
they’re on me, I’m going to have to account for myself alone. I’m not
responsible for a brother or a sister who may have not had good attitudes toward
me. God is going to deal with that. I am accountable for my responses to that
person, though. So verse 19 tells us what that response should be: “So then
pursue what makes for peace and for mutual up-building.” I’m responsible for
being a peace maker, and if that means I have to give up something - food,
drink, makeup, movies - so be it. Verse 15, “For if your brother is grieved by
what you eat, you are no longer walking in love.” That sometimes is something
that we forget, don’t we? Now I’m not to look down on that weaker person. I’m to
help build them up. And one of the best ways that we can teach, and everybody
knows this, is by modeling the behavior that we want to see in the other person.
So if we want someone to grow, we have to show them how a mature Christian acts
and reacts.
I think one of the greatest benefits of fishbowl living is that the glass lets
in lots and lots of light. You can’t draw the curtains or pull the blinds. You
know, you’re there in all your glory. First Peter 2:9 says, “But you are a
chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession
that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of darkness
into His marvelous light.” And boy, in that fishbowl, we get to enjoy all of
that marvelous light. Isn’t that great? Isn’t that great? Yes! Thank you.
Well, that marvelous light illuminates three areas in this chapter and those
three we’re just going to talk about briefly. One of them we’ve already talked
about.
1.We ought to live our lives in the light of the Lordship of Christ. We belong
to Him. We’ve already made that statement. We are His people, His Kingdom family
and every area of our lives have to be surrendered to Him. Susana Wesley prayed,
“Help me, Lord, to remember that religion is not to be confined to the church or
closet, nor exercised only in prayer and meditation but that everywhere I am in
Thy presence.” Say that once more, “Help me, Lord, to remember that religion is
not to be confined to the church or closet, nor exercised only in prayer and
meditation but that everywhere I am in Thy presence.” So we ought to live our
lives in the light of the Lordship of Christ.
2.We ought to live our lives by the light of Christ’s love, loving other
Christians as Christ loved us. Verse 21 states it’s not good to eat meat or
drink wine or do anything that causes my brother to stumble. That word “good”
there, it is “good”, might be better translated “beautiful”. It’s a beautiful
thing if I voluntarily forgo something that causes someone else to stumble. Then
look down at chapter 15 verses 1-3 where Paul adds to this light of love, “We
who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak,”
feelings too, “and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor
for his good and build him up. For Christ did not please Himself; but as it is
written, ‘the reproaches of those who reproached You fell on Me’.” My perfect
Lord bore crucifixion, reproach, insult, for my sake and I can certainly give up
a little pleasure for His glory.
So we are to live in the light of the Lordship of Christ, in the light of His
love, and thirdly:3. we are to live in the light of the judgment seat of God,
knowing that each of us has to give an account of our lives before Him. We just
need to be aware, day by day, of the things that we are accountable for. Now, I
jotted a few down and I thought of more and more and my list kept getting longer
and longer and so I just selected a few. And I would encourage you, as you are
in the Word, to go through, and when you find these things, and just jot them
down, just keep a little piece of paper.
Some of the things that we are accountable for: Ephesians 4:29 - I’m accountable
for the words I speak. “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only
such as is good for building up, that it may give grace to those who hear.” And
Malachi 3:16 is a beautiful, beautiful verse, “Then those who feared the Lord
spoke with one another and the Lord paid attention and He heard them. And a book
of remembrance was written before Him of those who feared the Lord and esteemed
His name.” Isn’t that great? Our words do count and we are accountable for them.
Secondly, I am accountable for the talents and gifts that the Lord has given to
me. Now, when I take an inventory of my talents, let’s see, I can’t really play
the piano and I don’t feel like there’s a lot of things I can’t do, but He has
allowed me to do certain things. Like I can whistle through my fingers, you
know, I used to do that, sometimes, you know. But we all have talents. And we
all have spiritual giftedness, too. And the Lord has given each of us different
gifts and He says in Romans 12:6, “Having gifts that differ, according to the
grace given to us, let us use them.” So we are accountable to use the gifts.
First Peter 4:10, “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as
good stewards of God’s varied grace.” So we are accountable for using our gifts.
We are accountable for our words.
I’m accountable for how I use my money. One of the writers that I read was
suggesting that we each go through our checkbook and see how we have spent the
money, where did it go? Where did it all go? But will God be satisfied with my
priorities? That’s the question. Matthew 6:19-21, “Do not lay up for yourselves
treasures on earth…For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”
I am accountable also for the use of my time. Ephesians 5:15-16, “Look carefully
how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of your time.”
Colossian 4:5 basically says the same thing. So you have to make choices when
you’re reading, or studying, or watching TV, or working for yourself. You’ve got
to look at that and evaluate and see. Am I also spending a large majority of my
time in Bible study? Am I witnessing? Am I encouraging other believers? So we’re
going to be accountable for our time on a daily basis.
So these are all areas and then the last one that I wrote down, not that it’s
the last one, but the last one I wrote is - I’m accountable for how I respond to
the Word of God. James 1:22, “Be doers of the word.” James 4:17, “So, whoever
knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.” Those are
just a few of the areas that we as individuals have to each evaluate for
ourselves, not for other people, just for us. So we live in the light of God’s
Lordship. We live on the light of His love. We live in the light of His judgment
seat.
Daniel Webster was among one of our early leaders in America and he was
considered quite an orator and had one of the greatest minds that was in our
congress at that time. Someone asked him, “Mr. Webster, what do you consider the
most serious thought that has ever entered your mind?” His answer, “The most
solemn thought that has ever entered my mind is my accountability to my Maker.”
Interesting. We live in the light of His Lordship, the light of His love, and
the light of his judgment. Verse 18 says, “Whoever thus serves Christ is
acceptable to God and approved by men.”
Okay, here we are in our little fishbowl and we know what we’re supposed to do,
right? But, so often we - did you kids ever have goldfish as a child or did you?
Yeah. And what happens to them? You go in one day and there they are in the, you
know, laying there, and floating up. Or, you know, I’ve never seen a fish that
couldn’t swim, but I sometimes feel that way about myself, you know, that I’m
floundering in this water. Well, God didn’t cut us loose in this fishbowl to
flounder or to float belly up. He did give us resources and in Romans 14 and 15
there are a few resources that He has given to us and we’re going to finish with
that.
First of all, we have God’s power. He has given us little water wings. Verse 4
of chapter 14 says, “And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him
stand.” The Lord is able. And this is the Greek word - ‘is able’ is the Greek
word dunamis from which we get our English word “dynamite”. It’s power.
There’s power there. It’s God-power. Its God’s power that makes us stand. Jude
24 uses the same word, “Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to
present you blameless before the presence of His glory with great joy.” God’s
power enables us.
And we have His presence. Verse 17 of chapter 14, “For the kingdom of God is not
a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness and peace and joy in the
Holy Spirit.” Romans 5:1-5 gives us that same message, speaks of the same
wonderful truth of the righteousness and peace and joy, and it ends, verse 5
ends with these words, “...because God’s love has been poured out into our
hearts through the Holy Sprit who has been given to us.”
So we have His presence in our lives, we have His power and we have the
provision of His Word. Chapter 15 verse 4, “for whatever was written in former
days was written for our instruction, that through the encouragement of the
Scriptures we might have hope.”
So He has provided so much for us, His power, His presence, His word. And the He
also, though, has provided the comfort of prayer. If you look at 15:5-7, Paul
actually gives a little prayer in there, “may the God of endurance and
encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with
Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of
our Lord Jesus Christ,” the result; “Therefore welcome one another, as Christ
has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” That’s a great comfort.
His power, His presence, the provision of His word, the comfort of the prayer
all allow us to live joyfully for His glory. Now you can see how living in a
fishbowl has distinct benefits, can’t you? Yes? Yes. I mean, I can tell you’re
not totally convinced yet but you’re going to have to think through this, okay?
The first benefit we have is that we live in the light of His Lordship, His love
and His judgment. Our fishbowls are great visual aides. Secondly, the great
benefit is that we have everybody watching us, the church and the world, and
their eyes are a reminder that God’s eyes are on us. And it’s also a constant
reminder that every single moment has eternal significance. It’s not just for
here and now. Every single moment, every day has eternal significance, and our
fishbowls remind us of that. So I’d ask that you consider this; think about it.
Think about the joy of the Lord and His perfect and good will that has placed
you in that fishbowl, His power that He has given you so you can continue to
swim around like good little fishies, and that you welcome the weaker believers
into your life and you use them as a reminder of the coming accountability to
God.
Let’s thank the Lord for our time together. Lord, we do thank you for the joyful
discipline of accountability. We pray as Paul did that you would grant us
endurance and encouragement to set aside ourselves, Lord, to bear with the
failings and the feelings of the weak, to live in harmony, and to bring glory to
you, God, both in this life and eternity. We ask this in the name of our Master
and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.