2003 Shepherd's Conference, A Ministry of Grace Community Church 818.909.5530. © 2003 All Rights Reserved. Grace Community Church. A CD, MP3, or tape cassette copy of this session can be obtained by going to www.shepherdsconference.org

Life After Death
(Handout – Study Notes)

How to Deal with Suffering, Dying, and Death within Your Ministry

Jim Pile

Associate Pastor, Pastoral Care Ministries

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15).

Introduction

I. Preparation for Death

Help Christians to prepare for life after death:

Spiritually

The death of a child of God:

· It is precious in the sight of the Lord (Ps. 116:15).

· It is to go to paradise at once (Luke 23:43).

· It is to go to the Father’s house (John 14:2).

· It is to be with Christ (Phil. 1:23).

· It is to be at home with the Lord (2 Cor. 5:8).

· It is gain (Phil. 1:21).

· It is far better (Phil. 1:23).

Materially

Help them get their affairs in order.

II. The Place for Grief

Grief is a proper expression of emotion over a life-shaking loss. It is the expression of a painful or profound sorrow, sorrow over a loss that hurts!

It is not wrong to express real sorrow at the loss of fellowship with loved ones who have died, and sorrow also for the suffering and hardship that they may have gone through prior to death. Sometimes Christians think it shows lack of faith if they mourn deeply for a brother or sister Christian who has died. But Scripture does not support that view, because when Stephen was stoned, we read that ‘Devout men buried Stephen, and made great lamentation over him’ (Acts 8:2)…Their sorrow showed the genuine grief that they felt at the loss of fellowship with someone whom they loved, and it was not wrong to express this sorrow—it was right. Even Jesus, at the tomb of Lazarus, ‘wept’ (John 11:35), experiencing sorrow at the fact that Lazarus had died, that his sisters and others were experiencing such grief, and also, no doubt, at the fact that there was death in the world at all, for ultimately it is unnatural and ought not to be in a world created by God.[1]

Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus (John 11:35). As Mary and Martha’s sympathetic high priest, He understood the pain and sorrow that they were experiencing. As Isaiah the prophet foretold, “He was a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief…” (Isaiah 53:3).

First Thessalonians 4:13 indicates the propriety of grief for the Christian, “But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve, as do the rest who have no hope.”

III. Practices in Biblical Times

Mourning was expressed by:

- Weeping (John 11:33-35)

- Loud lamentation (Jer. 9:17-18)

- The rending of clothes (Gen. 37:34; 2 Sam. 1:11, 3:31)

- Wearing sackcloth (Gen. 37:34; Ps. 35:13)

- Sprinkling dust or ashes on the person (2 Sam. 13:19; Jer. 6:26; Job 2:12)

- Shaving the head (Jer. 16:7b; Job 1:20)

- Fasting (2 Sam. 1:12)

- Cutting the flesh (Jer. 16:6-7) and laying on the ground (2 Sam. 12:16; 13:31)

- In the later times we find a class of mourners who could be hired to grieve by their loud lamentation the external tokens of sorrow (2 Chron. 35:25; Jer. 9:17; see also Matt. 9:23)

JEREMIAH 9:17-18—“Thus says the Lord of hosts, ‘Consider and call for the mourning women, that they may come; And send for the wailing women, that they may come! And let them make haste, and take up a wailing for us, That our eyes may shed tears, And our eyelids flow with water.’”

The period of mourning for the dead varied in biblical times according to the custom of the particular nation. For example, the Israelites typically mourned for seven days. Genesis 50:10 tells us Joseph and his family mourned for Jacob seven days once they returned to Canaan from Egypt (Genesis 50:10). While Joseph and his family were still in Egypt the mourning period was seventy days according to Egyptian custom (Genesis 50:3). For Aaron (Numbers 20:29) and Moses (Deut. 34:8) it was thirty days, and for Saul, seven days (1 Sam. 31:13).

IV. Practical Tips At the time of death

1. Be with the family or get to them ASAP.

2. Spend time with them (Rom. 12:15).

- They may be in shock.

- Comfort them.

- Give direction when needed.

3. Avoid trite clichés and answers:

- “Well, this is the Lord’s will!”

- “You’re taking this too hard.”

- “Just think of the blessings you still have.”

- “I know what you are going through.”

4. When necessary, help in the days ahead to make funeral arrangements.

V. Purposes of Funerals

1. Funerals allow people to grieve together.

2. Funerals provide an opportunity to express Christian love and support.

3. Funerals help people to accept the loss.

4. Funerals allow people the opportunity to remember the highlights of a person’s life.

5. Funerals are a great opportunity to share the hope of the gospel.

VI. On the Day of the Service (when the service is at the funeral home)

Arrive at least 20-30 minutes before the service is scheduled to begin.

Check in with the funeral director to receive clergy card and honorarium.

Ask the funeral director if there are any last-minute changes.

Give copies of the order of service to the funeral director.

Give a copy of the order of service to the organist or piano player and review it with them.

Greet the family.

Comfort them.

Ask them if there is anything to be added to the service.

View the body with the family, when appropriate.

Pray with them, if possible.

Ask the family if they have any last-minute questions.

Sign the guestbook.

If possible, spend some quiet time in an office alone to pray and review the service.

Perform the service. (See VII. below for guidelines.)

If there is a viewing following the service, stand in an appropriate place near the casket as people are led forward by the funeral staff.

Visit with the family at the casket when everyone else has left.

After the family leaves, remain there until the funeral director closes and secures the casket. This can help prevent theft by an unscrupulous funeral director.

VII. Suggested Order and Components of the FUNERAL SERVICE

Organ prelude

Greeting

Scripture reading

Traditional Passages:

Prayer

Solo or Hymn (Two songs throughout service is good. Maximum for a funeral is three.)

Traditional Hymns and Solos:

Amazing Grace It Is Well with My Soul

How Great Thou Art Like a River Glorious

I Am His and He Is Mine Great Is Thy Faithfulness

What a Friend We Have in Jesus Finally Home

My Savior, First of All No More Night

Eulogy

Non-Christian: Have a family member write down two or three paragraphs about the person. For example, his/her education, job accomplishments, fond memories with, who he/she is survived by, etc. When possible, tactfully go over their notes with them to prevent inappropriate comments.

Christian: Background, testimony, ministries, fond memories, etc. If family members wish to speak, have it preplanned (not open to the congregation) and keep it to a minimum, maybe 1-3. More than 2-3 people gets unwieldy! Go over their notes with them and have them keep it under 3 minutes each.

Pastoral Message (Another solo may precede message if desired)

Non-Christian: Explain the gospel from selected scripture (e.g. Rom. 6:23; Ps. 90) or appropriate themes (e.g., heaven, hope, lessons one can learn from the death of a loved one).

Christian: Look through the person’s Bible for sermon material. (See example listed below*.) Share the gospel based upon the person’s spiritual attributes.

Solo/Hymn

Benediction

Postlude

Total time should be around 30-40 minutes; message 10-15 minutes.

Remember: Be flexible; each service is unique.

*Example of notes taken from loved one’s Bible:

Am I Honest Ephesians 4:25

Am I Faithful Psalm 31:23-24

Am I Pure 1 Peter 1:16

Am I Dedicated Mark 12:29-31

“No man is wise if he is ignorant concerning the Bible.”

“Reputation is what men think you are. Character is what God knows you to be.”

VIII. If the Service Will Conclude at the Interment Site

· Escort the casket to the hearse.

· Follow the funeral director’s instructions. Usually you will follow the hearse in your car to the graveside.

· Escort the casket to the graveside.

· Perform a brief (5-10 min.) graveside service when the funeral director gives you a signal. This usually consists of a few brief comments, reading Scripture, and a prayer.

· Once you are done, the funeral director usually has some concluding remarks (e.g., “There will be a reception.”).

· Visit with the family at the interment sight and then attend the reception or return to the church.

· Offer to follow up with the family.

IX. Follow-Up Suggestions

· Place a call or write to the family within two weeks following the funeral service.

· Invite the family to church. If the family is already connected with your church, get them back into the flow of body life as soon as possible.

· Be available to counsel if someone needs help dealing biblically with their grief.

· When appropriate, offer to be present with the family when the headstone is placed at the grave (appx. 1-2 months after the inscription is submitted).

· Visit the family in their home.

· Encourage church members to follow up with visits, counsel, meals, help in the home, and so forth.

· Send a card to a widow/widower on the wedding anniversary.

· Send a card to the family on the date of the deceased’s birth and death. This is especially important for the first and second year.

· Encourage another church family to “adopt” the grieving family.

· Continue your ministry to the grieving until they can comfort others with the comfort they have received (2 Cor. 1:3-5). Get them involved in ministering to others.

· You can have a profound impact on people in and around your church by shepherding them through difficult times!

Added to Bible Bulletin Board's "Shepherd's Conference Collection" by:

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Bible Bulletin Board
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[1] Wayne Grudem, Systematic Theology: An Introduction to Biblical Doctrine (Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing House, 1994), p. 814.