2003 Shepherd's Conference, A Ministry of Grace Community Church 818.909.5530. © 2003 All Rights Reserved. Grace Community Church. A CD, MP3, or tape cassette copy of this session can be obtained by going to www.shepherdsconference.org
Leadership
101
(Handout – Study Notes)
The Art of Influencing Others
Rob Iverson
In this seminar we will explore ways in which we can become better leaders.
If the best definition for leadership is “influence,” then how does one learn to become influential?
This will not be a discussion on some of the tactical things that you can do to be a better leader like, time management, effective meetings, etc. This will not be a motivational seminar where I will attempt to pump you up, but rather a time of self-reflection.
This will be a discussion about how our personal character contributes to our influence on others. After the introduction, we will look at three principles for effective leadership.
Everyone always wants to be a better leader. Yet, many of us feel guilty and discouraged about our leadership abilities.
Bible always sees men as leaders, but most men are not remembered for being leaders.
How many leaders can you think of that have impacted your life?
How many leaders can you think of that have changed history?
In order to become a better leader, you’ll try seminars, books of all sorts, and even try to be like other great leaders. Most of us will fail at being like other leaders. I have many times. I don’t remember what I read or hear. It is not natural for me to try and be like someone else.
I’ve changed my whole thinking on what it takes to be a leader. The focus here is not on modifying your behavior for the benefit of short-term or external change but rather improving your character for a life-time of impact.
My opinion is that most of us have the wrong view of how you become better leaders.
Most of the training you will get is designed to show you:
What a leader does or doesn’t do. Be like some other guy!
What a leader has to do to get to the top. Be assertive, take charge.
What skills are needed; for example, organization, time management, delegation, etc.
How many books on leadership were published 10 years ago? 200, now three times that amount are published yearly. Harvard Business Review lists the 100 top books in the last 75 years. Society multiplies books on leadership.
In other words, becoming a better leader is not about a leadership strategy and is about developing Christ-like character. This character development will focus on our capacity to influence other for God’s purposes.
What I have learned is that leadership is not what you think it is!
If you have been just moderately influenced by all of the external literature on leadership you would tend to think that this process is all about:
1. Effectively using my power: “I have all the authority but I am not using is correctly.”
2. Effectively understanding people: “They are not responding because I have not yet found the right buttons to push.”
3. Effectively using my strengths: “My strengths will always overcome my weaknesses.”
If it is not about power, people or my strengths, then what is leadership?
We say that these things are not important to understand to become a better leader? Of course not. They are important for leadership. But remember that this is a seminar on how our character affects our leadership.
Before we begin to look at three principles for biblical leadership, let’s define leadership:
enthusiastically work towards a goal.”
Notice that my definition indicates that leadership is a skill and that it is all about influence. How does one learn to have more influence?
T. Boone Pickens,
“Leadership is hard to define. You know when you are around it. You know when you see it. We love a leader! I’ve learned that it is what you do to yourself, not what you do to others!”
So leadership is something that first happens inside of the leader. In other words, leadership occurs first in the heart of the leader and is not first evidenced in getting others to do his bidding. This inner focus is something that we don’t like to spend much time thinking about. Introspection can be painful. We prefer to focus on the externals: all of my power, all of my strengths, and all those problems that other people have.
T. Boone Pickens is right. It is what you are willing to do to yourself that ultimately determines how effective you are as a leader, how much influence you have.
Let’s see if we can discover together the key ingredients to becoming a better leader.
All that we have said so far was intended to get all of us to point the finger at our own lives and to put the responsibility on our shoulders for leadership improvement.
II. The first principle: Leadership is not about power but influence
A. Great leaders are remembered for their influence, not their power.
Influence is getting people to follow you and do your will.
Power is forcing/coercing/intimidating to get something done.
Often people of influence have no power.
Examples:
Mother Theresa
M.L. King Jr.
Jesus
People of power are quickly forgotten.
On many occasions Paul refused to use his power and chose rather to exert influence. A prime example of this is found in 1 Thess. 2:6-7; “As an apostle of Christ we could have been burden to you, but we were gentle among you.” The Greek term for ‘burden’ emphasizes that Paul was not wanting to throw his weight around and that he was hesitant to use his authority.
B. We all have power.
I have a lot of power. But does it give me any influence?
You have power. Relationships often involve a struggle for power.
C. Principle about power: Using power destroys relationships.
A leader is known for the relationships he has. That’s how the effective leader leads. Power is hard on relationships. Ultimately it will destroy them. Do not wield power unless you are willing to break down a relationship.
D. How do I know that using power destroys relationships?
Examples:
In working relationships
In marriage
In our family
Some say, “Don’t I have to use my power to make the tough calls in life?”
The problem with power is that it is easy to abuse.
E. Jesus condemns the sinful use of power.
Mark 10: 42-43 Jesus says, “You know that those who are considered rulers over the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to be great will be your servant.”
Jesus emphasizes that in relationships power destroys. “Lord it over” involves, among other things, intimidation or manipulation and Christian leaders are to lead through their humble influence. Combining Jesus’ words and our point here, “Do not use your authority and power, but gain influence through service.”
G. Warning about the use of power.
If you want to have influence on kids, wife, friends, employees, use your power with great caution. Ever notice that when you use your power you normally regret it. People know when they are being bullied.
How long does it take to restore a relationship? Proverbs exhorts us strongly; “It is more difficult to win an offended brother than it is a fortified city” (18:19). There is little if any influence during this time of relationship repair!
Why do we do tend to abuse our power? Easy, it is simple. You get lazy. Feel threatened. We also tend to use our power because we believe that it is our power. In our pride, we forget that it is God’s power that He has given to us to use for His purposes and not our own.
Using our power puts the responsibility of motivation on the shoulders of the one that we have ordered to act/serve/etc. The use of influence places the responsibility of motivation for the follower squarely on our shoulders. We seek to compel them to action by modeling, teaching them, and our own example.
H. What have we learned?
a. Power destroys relationships.
b. Leadership is all about relationships.
c. No relationship, no influence!
d. Influence is essential.
III. The second principle: Look in the mirror, not out the window
A. Influence is gained through character development.
If leadership is about influence, then we want people to willingly do what they have been asked to do.
How do I do this? Power will destroy those relationships I want to have.
If influence is the key, how do I gain and maintain it?
I already said leadership and influence are skills. You can learn this but how and where?
Being influential is not determined by personality type. God calls all of His children to have an influence on the world around them (Matt. 5:12). God would not handicap people with a less influential personality than another. He has chosen that we will all be influential in our own way. What we cannot escape is the reality that God wants us to maximize our influence on the world for His purposes.
B. “They” are not the problem.
It is easy to believe that the problem with your influence is that the people are not responding correctly to it. “We simply need to find the key to unlock their potential.”
“The problem is with them,” is what we think.
We want to spend all our time looking out the window reflecting on others and their failures. It is true that the people that we are called to shepherd seem to have every conceivable problem, but spending all our energy trying to figure them out and change them is destined for failure. I can only really change myself!
C. It is not about “them” but about “me.”
We influence with our character. When our character reflects God then it is the power of the Holy Spirit that works on our behalf (which is really on His behalf because we are serving Him). Leadership is character in action.
The difference between being an affective leader and a poor leader is the difference between how I ought to behave and how I actually do behave. That’s why we have to look in the mirror. We must look at ourselves first.
T. Boone Pickens-“Leadership is what you do to yourself!”
Shaquille O’Neill. "Excellence is not an act but a habit. You are what you repeatedly do." Think of character this way: Habits repeated.
D. Why is this so important?
The higher up we move in any structure (e.g. church, ministry, etc.), the more personal change is required. This is the opposite of what you might think. The world thinks, “The more power I get the less I am subject to any one else’s authority. I am more powerful so I am less accountable. I have arrived and I can now rest and enjoy the fruits of my labors.” The world’s perspective is wrong.
Gandhi said, “You must become the change you want to see in others.”
I Timothy 4:15, 16 places the appropriate emphasis on our character development:
“Be diligent in [ministry], be absorbed in [it], so that your progress will be evident to all. Pay close attention to yourself (character) and your teaching (doctrine).”
IV. The third principle: It’s not about your strengths but your weaknesses
If leadership is not about power but influence and influence is not about trying to change other people but me, my character, then my character development is the main issue. I must work on my character because the more responsibility I get, the more personal change is required.
How do I do this? I cultivate my strengths, right?
It is important to remember that we are only as mature as the least mature aspect of our lives. Our maturity is marred by immaturity. If we desire to walk in maturity we must shore up the weaknesses in our areas of immaturity.
If you want to improve your character emulate the strengths of others.
When you look in the mirror does it just reflect your greatness? Now stop for a minute and check your heart. If you think great things of yourself God is done using you.
It is true that people are drawn to us and we have influence over them because of our strengths. What is also true is that the closer they get the more our weaknesses show and the less influence we have. I can get you to agree that we all need to work on our weaknesses but how do I know for sure what those weaknesses are?
God expects of the leader of His people to walk in integrity. Psalm 78:72 exhorts His leaders to walk with integrity: “David shepherded them with the integrity of his heart and with skillful hands he lead them.”
I thought I had a lot of strengths until I got feedback. Feedback is not for the faint of heart.
You must have courage if you are going to ask (and be open to) honest feedback from others.
D. The point: Leadership is not what you do, it is who you are.
The reason we lack influence as a leader can normally be traced back to our character flaws. It is not what you do; it is how you do it.
Character is revealed in when we deal with our weaknesses not in trying to be like someone else or conceal are weaknesses by focusing on our strengths.
Said another way, your bad habits reveal your true character and this determines your influence.
Why is so important? You are what you repeatedly do. Repeatedly doing something is called a “habit.” You have some great habits and some real bad ones.
The Bible insists that as leaders we must be examples in our conduct and in our character
1 Peter 5:2-3 “Shepherd the flock of God among you…proving to be an example to the flock.”
V. An action plan
What would you do now? Where would you start?
How can you find out what people actually think of you?
Three steps to the process:
Feedback
Friction
Follow through
A. Feedback
Why is this so important? Blind spots are common. Obadiah 3 says, “The arrogance of your heart has deceived you.” Many of us cannot see the weaknesses in our own lives.
It is rare for people to come to me for feedback. It is hard to give feedback. You are responsible to make it easy on others to give you feedback.
An example of how not to do it: you go to Rick after preaching a message and say “Rick, wasn’t that a great message that I just preached?”
Find a friend who will level with you.
This feedback process requires humility. Don’t think too highly of yourself (Rom. 12:3).
B. Friction
This is the heart of it. Why many don’t reach their leadership potential. Because there is internal friction to change. This is the war within.
Everyone wants to change the world but no one wants to change himself.
What is the point: Leadership is learned behavior. You just don’t want to change.
Pride is the issue.
Accountable relationships: someone holding you accountable is important.
C. Follow through
How long does it take to break a bad habit?
Over time the new habit becomes second nature to you.
VI. Conclusion
All you need to know about leadership you now know.
There is no need to take another class or read another book.
All I’ve done is remind you of some things that you already know. It is not complex.
Leadership is a skill that can be learned.
It is not about power but influence.
It requires that I spend more time looking in the mirror than out the window.
It is critical that I know and deal with my bad habits.
Leadership comes at a high price. I have to change!
Leadership is something you do to yourself…A choice you make.
The goal: I can guarantee you that I can make you a better leader if I can get you to commit to just one thing. For every minute that you spent in a class or reading a book on leadership, spent the same amount of time getting some feedback and working on correcting those weaknesses and character failures.
Added to Bible Bulletin Board's "Shepherd's Conference Collection" by:
Tony Capoccia
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