Living for Christ in a Cynical World

How to Win Your Unbelieving Spouse
by
John MacArthur
All Rights Reserved

(A copy of this message on cassette tape may be obtained by calling 1-800-55-GRACE)
1 Peter 3:1-7      Tape GC 60-31

Introduction

Lesson

I. The Responsibilities of the Wife (vv. 1-6)

A. Stated Negatively

1.She is not to leave her husband

2.She is not to preach at him

3.She is not to demand her rights

B. Stated Positively

1.She is to be submissive

2.She is to be faithful

3.She is to be modest

a) Outward adornment

b) Inward adornment

II. The Responsibilities of the Husband (v. 7)

A. He Is to Be Considerate (v. 7a)

B. He Is to Be Chivalrous (v. 7b)

C. He Is to Be Her Companion (v. 7c)

Conclusion

First Peter 3:1-7 tells the believer how to win his or her spouse to Christ by fulfilling certain responsibilities. Let's find out what they are.

I. THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF THE WIFE (vv. 1-6)

"In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. And let not your adornment be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands. Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear."

In the Greek and Roman culture of Peter's day, women were treated with little respect. As long as they lived in their father's house, they were under the Roman law of patria potestas (the father's power), which gave fathers the power of life and death over their daughters. Once a woman married, her husband had that same legal power. Women were regarded as mere servants who were to remain indoors and obey their husbands. Since it was socially taboo for women to make their own decisions, their deciding to follow Christ sometimes resulted in severe abuse from their unbelieving husbands. In spite of such difficult circumstances, the believing wife can win her husband to Christ by fulfilling certain responsibilities.

A. Stated Negatively

1.She is not to leave her husband

First Corinthians 7:13 says if the unbelieving husband consents to live with his believing wife, she is not to divorce him. In fact, verse 14 says he will benefit from the blessings that God bestows on his wife. However, if he wants to leave, she should let him do so (7:15), since his staying would only produce a chaotic environment.

2. She is not to preach at him

She is not to badger, argue, or harangue him with the gospel. Peter said he "may be won without a word" from her godly behavior. That means she is not to put Bible verses on his beer cans, stick evangelistic tracts under his pillow, or call the pastor to the house to unload the gospel gun!

3. She is not to demand her rights

Although the believing wife is spiritually equal with all other believers, that doesn't negate her responsibility to submit to her husband.

B. Stated Positively

1. She is to be submissive

First Peter 3:1 says, "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives." "In the same way" refers to the submission of citizens to civil authorities (2:13) and servants to their masters (2:18).

The Greek word translated "be submissive" (hupotasso) is a military term that means "to subject" or "rank under." The wife's biblical role is to submit to the leadership of her husband (1 Cor. 11:3; Eph. 5:22-23). In no way does that imply she is inferior in terms of character, intelligence, or spirituality--just like a commanding officer is not necessarily superior in those terms to the individuals under him, but his authority is essential to complete a given task efficiently. "Be submissive to your own husbands" (1 Pet. 3:1, emphasis added) speaks of the intimacy of marriage, and also makes it clear that women aren't being told to submit to men in general.

"Disobedient to the word" (3:1) characterizes the unbelieving husband who rejects the gospel. His believing wife is to submit to him so that he might be won to Christ "without a word" (v. 1). That doesn't refer to the Word of God since that is essential for anyone's salvation (1 Pet. 1:23), but to words that are spoken. The wife is to win her husband to Christ not by what she says, but by how she behaves. A lovely, gracious, gentle, submissive attitude is one of the most effective evangelistic tools she has.

2. She is to be faithful

First Peter 3:2 says the godly wife is to have "chaste and respectful behavior." It's to be pure and irreproachable before God and her husband.

3. She is to be modest

Verses 3-6 say, "Let not your adornment be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands. Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear."

a) Outward adornment

Certainly Peter wasn't forbidding women from styling their hair or wearing jewelry and nice clothing. After all, the bride in the book of Song of Solomon was beautifully adorned. It's just that women aren't to be preoccupied with such things. In Roman society there was an immense preoccupation with outward adornment. Women dyed their hair outlandish colors; braided it elaborately; and were fond of expensive jewelry, elegant clothing, and fine cosmetics.

Such a preoccupation wasn't anything new, for the Lord told of coming judgment against the women of Israel by saying He would "take away the beauty of their anklets, headbands, crescent ornaments, dangling earrings, bracelets, veils, headdresses, ankle chains, sashes, perfume boxes, amulets, finger rings, nose rings, festal robes, outer tunics, cloaks, money purses, hand mirrors, undergarments, turbans, and veils.... Instead of sweet perfume there will be putrefaction; instead of a belt, a rope; instead of well-set hair, a plucked-out scalp; instead of fine clothes, a donning of sackcloth; and branding instead of beauty" (Isa. 3:18-24).

b) Inward adornment

Instead of making her appearance an all-day affair, the wife's primary focus should be on adorning "the hidden person of the heart" (1 Pet. 3:4). That refers to the true inner beauty of character and virtue. Paul said for Christian women "to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments; but rather by means of good works, as befits women making a claim to godliness" (1 Tim. 2:9-10).

The wife is to adorn her inner person "with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit" (1 Pet. 3:4). "Gentle" (Gk., praupathia) means "meek," "quiet" (hesuchios) means "still" or "tranquil," and "spirit" refers to a person's disposition. A meek and calm disposition characterizes inner beauty and "is precious in the sight of God" (v. 4).

God highly values the inner beauty of godliness, but that's no excuse for outer sloppiness. Underdoing it will draw as much attention to your outward appearance as overdoing it. You've dressed appropriately when your outward appearance simply reflects the inner beauty God has fashioned in you.

Verses 5-6 illustrate what inner beauty is all about: "In this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands. Thus Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear."

"Holy women" (v. 5) refers to women described in the Old Testament who were true believers. The principle of wives submitting to their husbands is not something new since that's the example we see in the Old Testament. Verse 6 specifically names Sarah as the model of submission because of her continual obedience to her husband, Abraham, and obvious respect for him. All true believers are children of Abraham by faith (Rom. 4:5-16; Gal. 3:7-29). Similarly, all believing women who follow Sarah's example of submission are her children.

"Without being frightened by any fear" (1 Pet. 3:6) speaks of intimidation. It seems every society since the Fall has tried to intimidate women from submitting to their husbands. But instead of being intimidated, the wife is to "do what is right" by being submissive, faithful, and modest. That will help win her husband to Christ.

II. THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF THE HUSBAND (v. 7)

"You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."

"Likewise" refers to the duty of submission (1 Pet. 2:13, 18; 3:1). Ephesians 5:21 says all believers are to submit to one another, which includes the wife to her husband and vice versa. The husband is to submit in the sense of caring for his wife's needs, which involves a three-fold responsibility.

A. He Is to Be Considerate (v. 7a)

"You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way."

"Understanding" (Gk., gnosis) speaks of being sensitive to the wife's deepest physical and emotional needs. "Live" (Gk., sunoikeo) means "to dwell together" and speaks of living with someone in an intimate way. Far from being indifferent to his wife, the husband is to nourish and cherish her in the bond of intimacy (Eph. 5:25-28).

B. He Is to Be Chivalrous (v. 7b)

"As with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman."

"Weaker vessel" refers to the woman's being physically weaker than the man. Because of that, the husband is to protect and provide for her.

C. He Is to Be Her Companion (v. 7c)

"Grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."

"Grace of life" refers to marriage, not salvation. "Grace" simply means "a gift," and the one of the best gifts that life has to offer is marriage. That's especially true when the husband cultivates companionship and fellowship with his wife. In Greek and Roman society, however, it was common for the husband to expect his wife to clean house and bear children, but not enter into a true, intimate friendship with him. In contrast, the Christian husband is to love and respect his wife so his prayers won't be impeded. Since his prayers would include petitions for her salvation, it's important that he develop an intimate friendship with her.

Whether as a citizen, an employee, or a marriage partner, the role of the Christian is always the same: Obey God's ordained pattern of submission. Doing so will please God and be a testimony that honors Him before the lost.

1. What advice does 1 Corinthians 7:13-15 give to the wife (see p. 2)?

2. What does "in the same way" refer to in 1 Peter 3:1 (see p. 3)?

3. What is the wife's biblical role (Eph. 5:22-23; see p. 3)?

4. Who does "disobedient to the word" characterize (1 Pet. 3:1; see p. 3)?

5. What does "without a word" refer to (1 Pet. 3:1; see p. 3)?

6. What is one of the most effective evangelistic tools the wife has (see p. 3)?

7. What does "chaste and respectful behavior" mean (1 Pet. 3:2; see p. 3)?

8. What was the Lord's indictment against the women of Israel in Isaiah 3:18-24 (see p. 4)?

9. What should be the wife's primary focus (1 Pet. 3:4; see p. 4)?

10. What does 1 Timothy 2:9 teach (see pp. 4-5)?

11. What characterizes inner beauty? What is God's evaluation of it (1 Pet. 3:4; see p. 5)?

12. Why is Sarah named as the model of submission? In what way are Christian women her children (1 Pet. 4:5-6; see pp. 5-6)?

13. What does Ephesians 5:21 teach? How does that apply to the husband (see p. 6)?

14. What do "understanding" and "live" speak of in 1 Peter 3:7 (see p. 6)?

15. What does Ephesians 5:25-28 teach (see p. 6)?

16. What does "the grace of life" refer to in 1 Peter 3:7? Why is it important for the husband to love and respect his wife (see p. 7)?

1. Complete the following evaluation, asking the Lord to help you improve where necessary as a marriage partner:

Study Philippians 2:3-4 and Ephesians 4:1-3 and write out five specific ways to demonstrate to your spouse that he or she is important.

Evaluate the changes you would like to see in your mate. Will they truly help your mate or are they for your own benefit?

List five things you do to please your mate and five things you should do more often.

List five deficiencies you have as a marriage partner. Specifically list ways you can change.

2. The wife is to be submissive, faithful, and modest toward her husband; and the husband is to show consideration, chivalry, and companionship toward his wife. Answer the following practical questions as a way of measuring those virtues in your life:

Are you faithful to maintain your spiritual life through Bible study, prayer, regular church attendance, and fellowship with God's people?

Do you ask forgiveness when you have done something wrong?

Do you accept corrective criticisms graciously?

Do you make excessive demands upon your mate, expecting too much from him or her?

Do you allow your mate to make mistakes without condemning him or her?

Do you focus on what you appreciate about your mate, or do you tend to find fault with him or her?

Can you discuss differing viewpoints without becoming irritated or upset?

When you disagree with your mate, do you seek biblical answers for the problem instead of blowing up emotionally or verbally attacking your mate?

Are you a good listener when your mate tries to explain something?

Do you become irritated over your mate's weaknesses, or do you provide acceptance, encouragement, and a proper example?

If you've spotted some problems in your life, prayerfully seek to make the necessary corrections. To help you in your resolve, seek the counsel and accountability of a godly friend who is a fellow wife or husband.

Added to the John MacArthur "Study Guide" Collection by:

Tony Capoccia
Bible Bulletin Board
Box 119
Columbus, New Jersey, USA, 08022
Websites: www.biblebb.com and www.gospelgems.com
Email: tony@biblebb.com
Online since 1986