The following "Question" was asked by a member of the congregation at Grace Community Church in Panorama City, California, and "Answered" by their pastor, John MacArthur Jr. It was transcribed from the tape, GC 1301, titled "Bible Questions and Answers."  A copy of the tape can be obtained by writing, Word of Grace, P.O. Box 4000, Panorama City, CA 91412 or by dialing toll free 1-800-55-GRACE.

Question

What does a Christian wife do if her husband fails to be the authority for her to submit to?

Answer

This is a common situation.  Gals will say, “You know, I’m submitting, but he doesn’t tell me to do anything!  I’m so willing…I just want some orders.  What do I do?  I want to be submissive, but he won’t do anything!”  That’s a good, good, practical question.  And we could talk a lot about some practical instruction.  Let me give you a couple of thoughts.

Ephesians 5:22 helps you here.  It says, “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as unto the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church and the Savior of the body.  Even so, as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands, in”—what?  “Everything.”

First thing you do is don’t quit being submissive. 

Got a letter this week from a wife.  She said, “John, I made a terrible mistake.  I tried to be submissive; my husband wouldn’t take the leadership…little by little, I took the leadership and now I’m dominating and he will never take the leadership.  I made a terrible mistake.  How do I get out of this mess I got myself into?”  I would say this to you: keep being submissive.  Force the issue.  Continue to submit.  If he doesn’t give you anything to submit to, submit to the things you think he might like you to do.  Anticipate so that you don’t alter that pattern.  And if you can’t submit consciously to him, then submit to him as unto whom?  The Lord.  So, have a consciousness of submitting to Christ and make your whole life a willing submission to Christ. 

Like it says in I Peter, chapter 3, that “In the same manner, wives, be in subjection to your own husbands”—that’s just to make sure that a lot of other people don’t go telling you what to do…just your own.  “That if any obey not the Word, they may without the Word, be won by the behavior of the wives, while they behold your chaste conduct, coupled with fear.”  And he goes on to talk about how you adorn yourself and all of that in modesty and so forth.

Now, if a wife will just take the proper role and keep the proper role even though it’s difficult, rather than taking over, it may be a lot better off in the long run.  Forcing the issue by gentle persuasion, submission, and love, quietly doing what you must do even if he doesn’t, even premeditating and anticipating the things that need to be done and submitting to them, and from time to time giving him wise counsel…you might get at the solution, but don’t change your role. 

That’s a tough question.  There’s a lot more involved, but that’s at least a start.

Added to Bible Bulletin Board's "MacArthur’s Questions and Answers" by:

Tony Capoccia
Bible Bulletin Board
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