The following "Question" was asked by a member of the congregation at Grace Community Church in Sun Valley, California, and "Answered" by their pastor, John MacArthur Jr. It was transcribed by Nelly Kaye of Chilliwack, British Columbia, Canada, from the tape, GC 1301-H, titled "Bible Questions and Answers Part 10."  A copy of the tape can be obtained by writing, Word of Grace, P.O. Box 4000, Panorama City, CA 91412 or by dialing toll free 1-800-55-GRACE. ©1978. All Rights Reserved.

Question

How can you really make your marriage what it ought to be? How can you communicate in marriage? How can a wife really confront her husband ? How can a marriage be what it ought to be?

Answer

There are so many answers in the Scripture, of course following the example of First Peter, chapter 3, would be critical. Let’s look at it for a brief moment, and we’ll keep moving on these, so we’re just going to give a suggestion to go back and do a little study on your own.

Question (Continued)

If your husband does not fulfill your expectations as a spiritual leader, if your husband isn’t saved or your marriage isn’t what it ought to be, what do you do?

Answer (Continued)

First Peter three, it says

“You wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the Word, they may be without the Word, won by the behavior of the wives.” In other words, if your husband isn't living up to biblical truth, either he’s not saved or perhaps he is a Christian but doesn’t obey the Word; without the Word and by your behavior you can win him.

"When he beholds," verse two, "your pure conduct coupled with reverence." You see it’s a matter of who you are, not what you say, but who you are.

"Your adorning, let it not be the outward adorning of the braiding of the hair, and wearing of gold, and putting on a fancy fine apparel." In other words if he sees that you’re preoccupied with the inside and not with the outside, that says a lot to him. It’s very hard to convince somebody that something means a lot to you unless it’s evident in your life. And if the spiritual is that important then it will be the preoccupation of your life rather than the externals. You see, that’s what he’s saying.

"Concentrate, verse 4, on the hidden man of the heart, that which is not corruptible." Do you realize that most people, spend their entire life, buying things that decay? Did you know that? Everything in your house and all the things that you possess in this world will rot. We spend our entire life buying stuff that rots, it’s really something, instead of working on the inside.

"The ornament of the meek quiet spirit," now that’s the approach, that’s what he says.

You can compare Ephesians chapter 5, where it talks about the wife submitting to her husband in the Lord, and so forth.

Let me just give you some things that my dad was sharing with me. Cecil Osborne lists How to put Romance back into your Marriage, are you ready for this? This is how to get the spark back:

1. Learn the real meaning of love, and what is the real meaning of love, it is self...what?…sacrifice.

2. Give up dreams of a perfect marriage and work towards a good marriage. Did you get that, give up dreams of a perfect marriage and work towards a good marriage.

3. Discover your husband’s unique needs and meet them. He’s unique, you know that. You’ve said to him many times, “I’ve… never… met… anyone… like… you.” Recognize his uniqueness. Meet his needs.

4. Abandon your preconceived ideas of what men are like and discover what your man is like. There is no mythical, Aristotelian man. You’ve got to live with yours.

5. Abandon all dependency on your parents.

6. Give praise and appreciation instead of seeking it. This is pretty practical, give praise and appreciation instead of seeking it.

7. Surrender possessiveness and jealousy that comes from insecurity and always destroys. And the only place to surrender it is to Christ.

8. Treat your husband or wife, it can go either way, with affection instead of bad news and complaining. At least let him sit down before you tell him.

Now here’s a good one

9. Abandon all hope of changing your partner through criticism, or attack. Who changes people? Only God. And by the way, attack begets attack, criticism begets criticism, hate begets hate, love begets love. Whatever you want is what you give.

10. Outgrow the princess syndrome. A princess asks, and a princess demands, and a princess feels special, realize that you have to give.

11. Pray for patience. Patience is tension capacity.

And then another one, just a final, these are a dozen here.

12. Abandon self pity, don’t wallow in sorrow.

You know I think part of the problem is this, you know, some women wouldn’t be satisfied if their husband was a combination of Gabriel, Abraham Lincoln and Robert Redford. And I think in many ways the church can set a standard that is so high that no matter what the man does to try to be the spiritual head he never lives up, we’re looking for someone who could fit into the first vacancy in the Trinity. And maybe that’s not right. I think there are some principles in the Word of God about how you live and about the expectations that you have that can help you, to make your marriage a good marriage.

Added to Bible Bulletin Board's "MacArthur’s Questions and Answers" by:

Tony Capoccia
Bible Bulletin Board
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