The following "Question" was asked by a member of the congregation at Grace Community Church in Panorama City, California, and "Answered" by their pastor, John MacArthur Jr. It was transcribed from the tape, GC 70-16, titled "Bible Questions and Answers." A copy of the tape can be obtained by writing, Word of Grace, P.O. Box 4000, Panorama City, CA 91412 or by dialing toll free 1-800-55-GRACE. Copyright John MacArthur Jr., All Rights Reserved.
Question
What is the ultimate purpose of the premarital counseling at Grace Community Church? Is the class meant to be purely instructional or to be a test for the man's or the woman's godliness? Is it Biblical for the man to use the class as a test to see if they should be engaged?
Answer
First of all, "What is the ultimate purpose of premarital counseling?" I would say it probably has two purposes: One would be to determine the spiritual maturity, the spiritual life, the spiritual commitment, the spiritual condition of the individuals involved. And I think it's very, very much on our minds that people marry "In the Lord"--right? That they both be Christians; that they both be living godly lives, because if you are not living a godly life, you can't know God's will. You don't determine God's will by living in sin. That is why, from the time that I first began the premarital counseling, I said, "You have to ask the question of any couple that comes in--Are they in sin?" "Are they behaving towards one another immorally? Are they engaged in sexual sin of any kind, because if they are, they are not in any condition to discern the will of God,"--right? So if they say "yes," then you have to ask them to live purely for a period of time, so that in a condition of pure obedience to God, they can really discern what is right.
So, it is to determine the spiritual condition of those people involved, and to help them understand and anticipate what marriage is all about, because I think it's so misunderstood in the time in which we live. There is so much divorce, there is so much sexual sin. We have a whole generation of young people who are coming up, who really don't understand what marriage is--they haven't really seen it. You know the majority of children, now, in our nation, will come from divorced families--the majority of them, and they are not going to have a model that is viable and that is godly. So we want to help them to understand what marriage is really all about, and what God expects, and we want to teach them how to make a marriage what the Lord would want it to be and what they would surely would want it to be.
And the question is at the end, "Is it Biblical for the man to use the class as a test to see if they should get engaged? Sure. You may already be engaged, and you may decide after the class that, that is the right thing to do. On the other hand, you may decide, "You know, maybe we need to wait, or maybe this isn't really best." We just want to help people. We are not there to tell you, "yes," "no," it's not like we are some spiritual authority on that. We want to bring you to the test of Scripture, to understand what the Word of God says, and to take a look at your own life, a look at this relationship and see if it really does fit what God would have. But it is definitely a period of time to ask those questions about your spiritual life, your compatibility, and whether or not this is really the will of God for your life? That's why we do it.
It is not just, you know, "Here's how to run a budget,' and "Here's how to make sure your wife is happy," and "Here's how to make sure that she gets a few words in here and there, so you have a sort of copasetic relationship." That's not what it's about--it's about real examination of spiritual condition, because that's the stuff that makes lasting relationships.
Added to Bible Bulletin Board's "MacArthur’s Questions and
Answers" by:
Tony Capoccia
Bible Bulletin Board
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